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my son behaviour

emmacrompton

hello i have a son of 7 years and i am a single parent he has severe asd and limited speech and quite a lot of sensory difficulties he as been using me as a punchbag since he was 4 years old but now because its 3 years on he is a lot stronger and harder and its beginning to have a severe effect on my health not to mention the bruises all over my arms and legs and the fact he tried strangling me on a train full of people the other week im at my wits end and thinking the only solution at this moment in time is care he does have respite 3 nights a month and all proffessionals involved i just dont know what to do can any1 help me before it gets to the point where he is gonna do something serious to me or vice versa i am scared of him but i also love him he is my world and my only child

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  • I have been dealing with this for 13 years - although I do have the support of my wife. Basically I am the one my son takes his anger out on. You are absolutely right to try to deal withthis now rather than wait for your son to get heavier and stronger.

    Things can get (much) better but the issue is not likely to go away on its own. My son has some anger management help through Child and Adolescent Mental Health service (CAMHS) and this has helped. (You need to be awkward and insist on something meaningful - no change there).

    The main thing that has helped is being extremely consistent in our response that scratching, biting, strangling, hitting and all the rest is unacceptable behaviour. Sounds banal and it took years for a change, but change did happen.

    The other thing that I think has helped is not hiding my own feelings about the violence. If it hurts, verbalise it (Owwwwww!!!!). Make sure it's clear that the violence makes you sad. My son needed the really obvious feedback on the effects of his actions. Frankly, your son is never going to guess that his actions hurt you physically and emotionally. Some how you have to get the message across. Otherwise stereotypical behaviour can link up with the childs echolalic approach to behaviour.

    I have often wondered about a medical approach but I have never been able to have a meaningful discussion with any one.

    Long post for newb but this touched a nerve

    3F

Reply

  • I have been dealing with this for 13 years - although I do have the support of my wife. Basically I am the one my son takes his anger out on. You are absolutely right to try to deal withthis now rather than wait for your son to get heavier and stronger.

    Things can get (much) better but the issue is not likely to go away on its own. My son has some anger management help through Child and Adolescent Mental Health service (CAMHS) and this has helped. (You need to be awkward and insist on something meaningful - no change there).

    The main thing that has helped is being extremely consistent in our response that scratching, biting, strangling, hitting and all the rest is unacceptable behaviour. Sounds banal and it took years for a change, but change did happen.

    The other thing that I think has helped is not hiding my own feelings about the violence. If it hurts, verbalise it (Owwwwww!!!!). Make sure it's clear that the violence makes you sad. My son needed the really obvious feedback on the effects of his actions. Frankly, your son is never going to guess that his actions hurt you physically and emotionally. Some how you have to get the message across. Otherwise stereotypical behaviour can link up with the childs echolalic approach to behaviour.

    I have often wondered about a medical approach but I have never been able to have a meaningful discussion with any one.

    Long post for newb but this touched a nerve

    3F

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