SENDCo comment upset me

Forgive me, as this may not be what you wish to hear, but for what its worth, I comment as follows.

Put your concerns in writing to the school - and emphasise your concern for future pupils, not your own.

Then.......

Harness your energy, keep it below the threshold of outrage or anger, and use it to help and support your child.  It is reported that your child is capable of presenting themselves in an "acceptable" fashion, so their challenges will continue WELL BEYOND this moment in time.  They will need your atuned parental eye to help guide them.  Keep your focus on your child, not on the failings of others.

For the avoidance of doubt - I mean none of the above as any type of implied criticism of you nor anybody else - it is purely my objective assessment and advice given the information that you have presented.  I am one who can "present" myself howsoever......it gets harder with age!!!

Thank you I really appreciate that advice and think it’s really valuable.  

I think it is more for future pupils that I worry as I know that she has already let down other children at the school who presented with traits in class.  I am upset for my son for sure, but I think the reason I can’t turn a blind eye is because while she is in that position she will continue with her unhelpful views on Neurodiverse conditions.  

Can I ask if you also feel that her comments about labelling my child were insensitive? she was trying to tell me to just act as I would if he had actually been diagnosed.  But I’m sure many others in my situation know this is very difficult to do and actually a diagnosis is the most helpful outcome.  It’s not for want of a label but more to understand and have awareness. 

I am relieved that you took my comments in the spirit with which they were intended.  I do hope we can continue in that vein !

I think her comments were realistic and I can understand why she made them to you.  My closest friends and family have offered me similar advice - and I have ignored it (experimentally) to my detriment.  I would dearly have liked to have received the "oh, I understand you now and because I am now aware of your Autism / ADHD I will treat you with the allowances and acceptance that you require."

Nikmum, this is for the birds !  It doesn't happen that way.

I am more than capable of defending and advocating for myself with reasoned and cogent words - whether written or verbalised - but "understanding and awareness" is not available from the populous at this time - most especially for the likes of me (and by the sounds of it, your child) because I can modulate my behaviours to "appear normal" and have been reasonably successful in my life.

The current vogues in societal "normalism" are wholly beyond my comprehension to be honest so I am probably not the best person to advise you on this point - beyond being able to report to you about my personal life experience.  Moreover, whilst late-diagnosed adults have zero support available to them, I believe children can expect some forms of "support" - but again, I am focused on the realities of the situation from your child's perspective.  Accordingly, I think you need to be whispering wise words in the ear of your child AS MUCH IF NOT MORE THAN seeking some form of explicit external understanding or awareness.

I spent 50+ years of my life tearing myself to pieces trying to understand what the hell was "wrong" with me.  If my parents had been "woke" enough in those heady days of the late 60's early 70's to let me know that I WAS different and not to worry too much about it / techniques to cope with it - then I would have enjoyed a much happier 'later life.'

I think your child is lucky - in the sense that they have you "on point."  Stay there - for them.

Very best regards.

I am relieved that you took my comments in the spirit with which they were intended.  I do hope we can continue in that vein !

I think her comments were realistic and I can understand why she made them to you.  My closest friends and family have offered me similar advice - and I have ignored it (experimentally) to my detriment.  I would dearly have liked to have received the "oh, I understand you now and because I am now aware of your Autism / ADHD I will treat you with the allowances and acceptance that you require."

Nikmum, this is for the birds !  It doesn't happen that way.

I am more than capable of defending and advocating for myself with reasoned and cogent words - whether written or verbalised - but "understanding and awareness" is not available from the populous at this time - most especially for the likes of me (and by the sounds of it, your child) because I can modulate my behaviours to "appear normal" and have been reasonably successful in my life.

The current vogues in societal "normalism" are wholly beyond my comprehension to be honest so I am probably not the best person to advise you on this point - beyond being able to report to you about my personal life experience.  Moreover, whilst late-diagnosed adults have zero support available to them, I believe children can expect some forms of "support" - but again, I am focused on the realities of the situation from your child's perspective.  Accordingly, I think you need to be whispering wise words in the ear of your child AS MUCH IF NOT MORE THAN seeking some form of explicit external understanding or awareness.

I spent 50+ years of my life tearing myself to pieces trying to understand what the hell was "wrong" with me.  If my parents had been "woke" enough in those heady days of the late 60's early 70's to let me know that I WAS different and not to worry too much about it / techniques to cope with it - then I would have enjoyed a much happier 'later life.'

I think your child is lucky - in the sense that they have you "on point."  Stay there - for them.

Very best regards.