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SENDCo comment upset me

Nikmum

Hi everyone, I posted the below issue on the AADD forum but it's not very active.  I have posted on here before and had quick replies.  It's ADHD related not ASD however I thought other parents might be able to relate & give some advice.

Over a year ago I discussed my concerns with my Son's school that I think he may be on the Autism spectrum, at the time I didn't know that ADHD & ASD traits can overlap.  A referral needed to come from the school, however when the SENDCo teacher observed my son in class, she said there were no issues and I don't need to worry as he's doing fine.  He has always performed well at school & again at the time I didn't know that you could be "high functioning" & on the spectrum.  

My instinct told me something wasn't adding up as we were really struggling at home.  When I asked her if it would be worthwhile seeking a private assessment, she said to me, over the phone that it was a lot of money & why would I want a label on my son when he's obviously doing fine.  It did make me think twice & when I asked a couple of private companies, they were not assessing children of his age (7 at the time).  Forward a year & a bit, he's almost 10 & we did get a private assessment in December for ASD & ADHD & he was diagnosed with ADHD.  This has come as a relief as we can understand him so much better & explain things to him also, so although we still have some meltdowns, it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be.


After my son was diagnosed, I spoke to the Head & deputy at his school & said that I was really unhappy with the SENDCo's advice / opinion & that she should not be talking in these terms i.e saying that it's a label.   I've said that I want this addressed with her, but they are telling me that she is unwell & I get the feeling they just want me to drop it.  My children are at an independent school & this means that the school does not have a statutory obligation to follow the SEND code of practise beyond EYFS.  I accept that, however I don't understand how it's acceptable for a SENDCo employed by the school to talk in these terms to concerned parents.  

How would you want this resolved? 

Parents

  • Forgive me, as this may not be what you wish to hear, but for what its worth, I comment as follows.

    Put your concerns in writing to the school - and emphasise your concern for future pupils, not your own.

    Then.......

    Harness your energy, keep it below the threshold of outrage or anger, and use it to help and support your child.  It is reported that your child is capable of presenting themselves in an "acceptable" fashion, so their challenges will continue WELL BEYOND this moment in time.  They will need your atuned parental eye to help guide them.  Keep your focus on your child, not on the failings of others.

    For the avoidance of doubt - I mean none of the above as any type of implied criticism of you nor anybody else - it is purely my objective assessment and advice given the information that you have presented.  I am one who can "present" myself howsoever......it gets harder with age!!!

Reply

  • Forgive me, as this may not be what you wish to hear, but for what its worth, I comment as follows.

    Put your concerns in writing to the school - and emphasise your concern for future pupils, not your own.

    Then.......

    Harness your energy, keep it below the threshold of outrage or anger, and use it to help and support your child.  It is reported that your child is capable of presenting themselves in an "acceptable" fashion, so their challenges will continue WELL BEYOND this moment in time.  They will need your atuned parental eye to help guide them.  Keep your focus on your child, not on the failings of others.

    For the avoidance of doubt - I mean none of the above as any type of implied criticism of you nor anybody else - it is purely my objective assessment and advice given the information that you have presented.  I am one who can "present" myself howsoever......it gets harder with age!!!

Children
  • in reply to Deleted User

    Thank you I really appreciate that advice and think it’s really valuable.  

    I think it is more for future pupils that I worry as I know that she has already let down other children at the school who presented with traits in class.  I am upset for my son for sure, but I think the reason I can’t turn a blind eye is because while she is in that position she will continue with her unhelpful views on Neurodiverse conditions.  

    Can I ask if you also feel that her comments about labelling my child were insensitive? she was trying to tell me to just act as I would if he had actually been diagnosed.  But I’m sure many others in my situation know this is very difficult to do and actually a diagnosis is the most helpful outcome.  It’s not for want of a label but more to understand and have awareness.