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12yo Daughter struggling with friendships

NAS84457

Hi,

I have a 12yo daughter who has struggled with friendships since she was young she has diagnosed adhd and is mediacated for that, however I believe she is autistic more towards the HFA end of the spectrum and we have just started the process to get evidence for a referall , she just doesn’t seem to ‘fit in’ she is just about to start at the 3rd secondary school since September, she got really bullied at the first which started from conflicts with peers then she was actually beaten up so I removed her and the same issues persisted in the next school with a particular group of girls so they said she could not stay as she was on trial for a managed move, I am really apprehensive about the 3rd school.

when she meets someone she is intense and she goes from stranger to best friend in a day even if the other person doesn’t feel the same and she can sometimes keep texting the other person.

she also thinks that when people taunt her and are unkind she is friends with them even though they treat her that way it’s very distressing.

has anyone else had a similar experience or can give some advice, it’s making me very I’ll and I have no one to turn to for advice and the schools have been useless.

thanks

Parents

  • Hi,
    I'm autistic, AFAB and 22. I'm so sorry to hear about your daughters struggles - this sounds painful and overwhelming, and given how many of us find change difficult the frequent moving must be very disorientating. Sadly though, it sounds like the moves are last resorts. 

    I also really struggle with friendships. That's always been the case, but for me it's manifested very differently. At primary school I had two friends (at separate times) and preferred to spend time alone. The pressure to integrate increased when I moved to a big secondary school. Thankfully, I was mostly protected from bullying as I was always with a TA, (I'm blind as well). I wonder if it might; possible to discuss this kind of support with the school - but having an adult there all the time can also discourage other students from interacting with us, so it might take some experimenting to find a good balance.

    Someone here suggested clubs/extracuriular activities, which I think could be a great idea. Are there groups at her new school or in your area that could align with your daughter's interests?

    Wishing you much luck with the school move, I really hope things improve. 

  • in reply to sphynx

    Thank you for your response, yes I think a club is a really good idea and something we need to look into I just don’t want to overwhelm her with all of these changes at once.

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