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12yo Daughter struggling with friendships

NAS84457

Hi,

I have a 12yo daughter who has struggled with friendships since she was young she has diagnosed adhd and is mediacated for that, however I believe she is autistic more towards the HFA end of the spectrum and we have just started the process to get evidence for a referall , she just doesn’t seem to ‘fit in’ she is just about to start at the 3rd secondary school since September, she got really bullied at the first which started from conflicts with peers then she was actually beaten up so I removed her and the same issues persisted in the next school with a particular group of girls so they said she could not stay as she was on trial for a managed move, I am really apprehensive about the 3rd school.

when she meets someone she is intense and she goes from stranger to best friend in a day even if the other person doesn’t feel the same and she can sometimes keep texting the other person.

she also thinks that when people taunt her and are unkind she is friends with them even though they treat her that way it’s very distressing.

has anyone else had a similar experience or can give some advice, it’s making me very I’ll and I have no one to turn to for advice and the schools have been useless.

thanks

Parents

  • Completely get where you are coming from with this. My 11 year old son is also struggling socially at high school but he is isolating himself. I have persuaded him to join some of the clubs on offer during tutor time and break time (lego club, board games and drama club) where he joins in but hasn't made any friends, but lunch times he is on his own. School have been really good trying to encourage him to join other students but he's not having any of it.

    There is low level bullying, but nothing like your daughter is going through. Have you had a meeting with the SENDCO at the new school? And the head of year/pastoral team?

  • in reply to Howlinghusky

    Sorry to hear what your also going through, sometimes I wish she would prefer time alone, however she wants to be liked by everyone and she often said it makes her feel sad when she watches other girls with big groups of friends which is absolutely heartbreaking.

    perhaps your son struggles with the anxiety side of things? My daughter used to be like that in primary school she would be too scared to make friends as she was worried about them rejecting her and her anxiety used to make her over analyse.

    now we have a confirmed start date for the new school I will request a chat with the sendco but they have stated they will put support in place immediately.

    I have requested an ehcp but it takes a while in our county.

    The pastoral team at both the schools so far find my daughter difficult Disappointed, one even stated that it’s hard because she ‘looks’ normal it’s difficult to explain to other children why she behaves in certain ways

    she is such a lovely funny person, but you have to be able to handle her instenseness to see that side of her and sadly most people find her too overbearing to get close enough.

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  • in reply to Howlinghusky

    Sorry to hear what your also going through, sometimes I wish she would prefer time alone, however she wants to be liked by everyone and she often said it makes her feel sad when she watches other girls with big groups of friends which is absolutely heartbreaking.

    perhaps your son struggles with the anxiety side of things? My daughter used to be like that in primary school she would be too scared to make friends as she was worried about them rejecting her and her anxiety used to make her over analyse.

    now we have a confirmed start date for the new school I will request a chat with the sendco but they have stated they will put support in place immediately.

    I have requested an ehcp but it takes a while in our county.

    The pastoral team at both the schools so far find my daughter difficult Disappointed, one even stated that it’s hard because she ‘looks’ normal it’s difficult to explain to other children why she behaves in certain ways

    she is such a lovely funny person, but you have to be able to handle her instenseness to see that side of her and sadly most people find her too overbearing to get close enough.

Children