17 year old daughter stuck with no purpose and not open to any help - help!

Hi, 

Are you sure she actually wants a 'purpose' at this point? Did she mention to you that she feels like she needs a vocation or a purpose? I just want to better understand the situation, so that I can better try to help. (btw I am 25 and autistic). 

I can understand the need for a purpose: My two main things were science and hiking (though sadly I've been unable to do the later for 3 years now due to injury). I always feel like I need a purpose but part of that is also an issue actually- I feel like most of my life I have been running from one purpose/goal to the next. I have this constant need to be 'productive', I'm always on the run. I think there is actually a beauty in being able to be without a purpose and to just live more in the moment. The reason I am mentioning this is because I feel like a very purpose driven existence has it issues too and it really depends on the individual what suits them best. I know that I do better with a purpose but I want to be able to also enjoy periods of not having one and of not having to be productive in the conventional sense.

Do you know why she is closed to the ideas you are suggesting? Have you asked? What is also important to keep in mind is that as an autistic individual school can be extremely challenging and exhausting mentally (not even academically), so there is sometimes also just not much energy left for anything else. Maybe she doesn't want a vocation/purpose at this point? Or doesn't have the energy for it? or she wants it but something is stopping her... lots of options, best thing is to find out from her probably? If she does indeed want to find a vocation or purpose, I think a lot of that can't be forced - it comes with time. There are probably some things she could get involved but it sounds like you already made those suggestions- if it is a matter of coming up with other ideas, we might be able to help on here. 

In my experience, finding a vocation can't be forced... I have tried for the 3 years now that I have been injured to find an alternative to my hiking, running, outdoor exercise etc. but I just haven't managed to.... I did try a lot of other activities at home but nothing felt right. And at times I also just did not have the headspace to engage. I am still desperate for a non-work purpose as I need to balance that with something else to make sure I also allow myself free time (and I always feel like I should (and part of me wants to) always work towards my purpose and if the only one relates to work then that can lead to burnout...). 

Also just wondering, why do you think she needs help from CAHMS or coaching? 

I think my main point is that for any change to happen, whether this is finding a purpose/vocation or something else, the person needs to really want it as well as have the energy to actually put it into action. 

Not sure if any of this is helpful and I hope it's ok that I am asking so many questions- I am just trying to understand! 

Hi, 

Are you sure she actually wants a 'purpose' at this point? Did she mention to you that she feels like she needs a vocation or a purpose? I just want to better understand the situation, so that I can better try to help. (btw I am 25 and autistic). 

I can understand the need for a purpose: My two main things were science and hiking (though sadly I've been unable to do the later for 3 years now due to injury). I always feel like I need a purpose but part of that is also an issue actually- I feel like most of my life I have been running from one purpose/goal to the next. I have this constant need to be 'productive', I'm always on the run. I think there is actually a beauty in being able to be without a purpose and to just live more in the moment. The reason I am mentioning this is because I feel like a very purpose driven existence has it issues too and it really depends on the individual what suits them best. I know that I do better with a purpose but I want to be able to also enjoy periods of not having one and of not having to be productive in the conventional sense.

Do you know why she is closed to the ideas you are suggesting? Have you asked? What is also important to keep in mind is that as an autistic individual school can be extremely challenging and exhausting mentally (not even academically), so there is sometimes also just not much energy left for anything else. Maybe she doesn't want a vocation/purpose at this point? Or doesn't have the energy for it? or she wants it but something is stopping her... lots of options, best thing is to find out from her probably? If she does indeed want to find a vocation or purpose, I think a lot of that can't be forced - it comes with time. There are probably some things she could get involved but it sounds like you already made those suggestions- if it is a matter of coming up with other ideas, we might be able to help on here. 

In my experience, finding a vocation can't be forced... I have tried for the 3 years now that I have been injured to find an alternative to my hiking, running, outdoor exercise etc. but I just haven't managed to.... I did try a lot of other activities at home but nothing felt right. And at times I also just did not have the headspace to engage. I am still desperate for a non-work purpose as I need to balance that with something else to make sure I also allow myself free time (and I always feel like I should (and part of me wants to) always work towards my purpose and if the only one relates to work then that can lead to burnout...). 

Also just wondering, why do you think she needs help from CAHMS or coaching? 

I think my main point is that for any change to happen, whether this is finding a purpose/vocation or something else, the person needs to really want it as well as have the energy to actually put it into action. 

Not sure if any of this is helpful and I hope it's ok that I am asking so many questions- I am just trying to understand!