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Excessive need to talk things through - advice?

NAS84381

Hi I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to handle a situation. 

An autistic person I know needs to talk things through excessively when things go wrong in their life and I am the person who primarily looks out for them. 

This can be things related to work or family.

Often this can be talking for multiple hours (sometimes 6 hours +) and the topic will discussed over and over. I myself have a lifelong illness which is progressively getting worse. 

The need to talk for hours is exceptionally draining to the point where it impacts my health. 

I can't try to stop the talking as then the person will get agitated and it will most of the time lead to a violent meltdown as they feel they are not being heard.

This will be despite listening for hours at a time and trying to give input to what is troubling them. 

I want to help this person and I want to listen to their troubles however it is starting to have a big impact on me. 

Does anyone have any advice on how to make this better while still giving the listening support that's clearly needed by the autistic person in my life?

Thank you

Parents

  • If I was that autistic person to whom you refer, I would want you to tell me that I was going OTT with the self-indulgent chatter.

    I would hope that you would tell me in a nice way, perhaps with humour, something like "I don't want this to become a problem for us, so do you mind if I tell you when I zone-out from what you are telling me - with a "safe word" - something like "lets move on now please" because I'm not doing you any favours by becoming tired and not listening to you."

    Thank you for being a good friend to your autistic chum.  I have a friend like you.  He lets me know that I'm going on too much by simply walking home - literally - often without necessarily saying what he is doing.  I do like unusual people!

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Hi Number, 

    Thank you for sharing your perspective. 

    I think I'll be using your script there as that's a great way to put it. 

    And honestly it's so reassuring to hear that you and others agree that it is potentially too much in the long run for my own health and others involved too! I want to continue helping and not dread if they've had a bad day that it'll be talking until 1am. As that won't help me go in with an active mindset to focus on helping where I can.

    Thank you again - it means so much for you to have replied with your experiences and advice! I'm glad you have a good friend as well! 

  • in reply to NAS84381

    I am very pleased to hear all this.

    I am confident that you will resolve the problem together - simply because you are friends.

    If you can, please let us all know how you get on.

    We are collectively interested in things like this so that we can improve our advice and knowledge.

    Thanks for your response - and happy Sunday to you.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Hi Number, 

    I will do my best to - it may take a while as things are very difficult for them at the moment so I think this sort of chat will need to happen when things have settled. But I'll do my best to update - it's so great that you would want to know to help others at another point. This really is such a great community on here!

    Happy Sunday to you too. 

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  • in reply to Deleted User

    Hi Number, 

    I will do my best to - it may take a while as things are very difficult for them at the moment so I think this sort of chat will need to happen when things have settled. But I'll do my best to update - it's so great that you would want to know to help others at another point. This really is such a great community on here!

    Happy Sunday to you too. 

Children
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