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Excessive need to talk things through - advice?

NAS84381

Hi I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to handle a situation. 

An autistic person I know needs to talk things through excessively when things go wrong in their life and I am the person who primarily looks out for them. 

This can be things related to work or family.

Often this can be talking for multiple hours (sometimes 6 hours +) and the topic will discussed over and over. I myself have a lifelong illness which is progressively getting worse. 

The need to talk for hours is exceptionally draining to the point where it impacts my health. 

I can't try to stop the talking as then the person will get agitated and it will most of the time lead to a violent meltdown as they feel they are not being heard.

This will be despite listening for hours at a time and trying to give input to what is troubling them. 

I want to help this person and I want to listen to their troubles however it is starting to have a big impact on me. 

Does anyone have any advice on how to make this better while still giving the listening support that's clearly needed by the autistic person in my life?

Thank you

Parents

  • We often process out loud. Depending on how old they are and they're abilities, you may be able to begin to suggest they spend a few hours every morning writing or typing everything out - or even speaking into the phone, but sometimes the information can get lost if then they don't spend time listening back and writing it down. 

    If they're capable and in their 20s it could be good to stress that you want to listen but you don't always have the capacity. In order to be my best self for you, I also need time to regenerate. Reinforcing healthy habits, such as solitude, time spent researching or looking into a problem, time spent identifying more problems and then time spent writing things out are good to then create a matter of importance to present. This is a healthy form of engagement for friendship and work as everyone has so many burdens to carry and we cannot always carry others. If you can, inspire Being Responsible with and toward others. With children we don't create boundaries, but we help them create them. We might ask for accommodations from them though, and it's good to show them healthy ways to create a respectfulness by being a little vulnerable. 

Reply

  • We often process out loud. Depending on how old they are and they're abilities, you may be able to begin to suggest they spend a few hours every morning writing or typing everything out - or even speaking into the phone, but sometimes the information can get lost if then they don't spend time listening back and writing it down. 

    If they're capable and in their 20s it could be good to stress that you want to listen but you don't always have the capacity. In order to be my best self for you, I also need time to regenerate. Reinforcing healthy habits, such as solitude, time spent researching or looking into a problem, time spent identifying more problems and then time spent writing things out are good to then create a matter of importance to present. This is a healthy form of engagement for friendship and work as everyone has so many burdens to carry and we cannot always carry others. If you can, inspire Being Responsible with and toward others. With children we don't create boundaries, but we help them create them. We might ask for accommodations from them though, and it's good to show them healthy ways to create a respectfulness by being a little vulnerable. 

Children
  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey

    Hi JuniperFromGallifrey, 

    Thank you for your advice here. 

    That's absolutely it with needing to be at my best to be able to continue helping others. At the moment I feel I'm running on empty a lot of the time. 

    Suggesting alternative outlets for working things through sounds like a good suggestion. 

    Also "Being responsible with and towards others" is very important.

    Thank you again for taking the time to reply.