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Help needed with Teenage daughter

Nancy

I am new here and desperately looking for some advice. 
My youngest daughter is 17 and diagnosed autistic at 11. Education and support have been minimal. She missed about 3 years of secondary school and attended a specialist provision until this summer.

She started a local college in September and has struggled, but her attendance etc are slowly improving.

She made a group of friends about 6 months ago and has over this time spent an increasing amount of time with them. She has now had boyfriends, gone to parties and has drunk alcohol/vaped etc. I suppose a lot like most 17 year olds. She is out every single day, most often until late and refuses my advice on looking after herself.

She was on Sertraline for anxiety and depression which she chose to stop taking about 4 months ago and is increasingly struggling with massive anxiety. She wants something else to help her, but we’re waiting for her to be seen by CAMHS, which could be 6 months away.

She has a lot of anger, mostly aimed at me. Her resilience is almost non-existent anymore and she says she can’t stay in at home as it depresses her and make her want to self harm/kill herself.

I do not know what to do anymore and am now struggling to cope.

Any advice greatly appreciated. 

  • in reply to I Sperg

    I was going to suggest this too. When she's 18, she might be able to take part in studies https://kings.onlinesurveys.ac.uk/cannabisme - someone here posted this. 

    Sertraline rarely works on autistics for anxiety. For many of us it shuts off the part of the brain we use to think. There are new studies finding that for the Autistic and ADHD brain, both experience a hyper-focus and sense of everything-is-connected, both experience sensory overload, and we also have in common a lack of GABA inhibitors, meaning anxiety is a part and parcel response of hyper-active Gamma waves accelerating out of control which need anti-anxiety medication, not anti-depressants, which target something completely different.  These can be addictive if not monitored properly or taken sporadically when absolutely needed. It would work best with intentional disciplines to help one think through an overwhelming destructively intense emotions. And this is one of the biggest issues, our sense-perception cannot filter the same as non-autistic peers, so the world can be too much or too real. The best situation is to create a safe home environment and the ability to always be open to work through problems.

    It's OK for her to be angry at you. It far more productive if she's able to expel emotion in front of someone safe who can simply contain all those emotions, which will be overwhelming for her - she may even be alexithymic. That's part of our job as parents, really, to provide space for them. Sometimes getting out frustration can ease anxiety. 

    It often simply takes experiencing someone who doesn't think we're too much for us to not need to be angry. There is much to feeling 'seen' and understood. One can handle almost anything in life when they feel known, it is incredibly grounding. However, it is one thing for another to insist they 'know' you when you feel there is constant miscommunication and their actions say otherwise. Sometimes when nothing else, I simply ask how can I help. This has become a motto in our house now.

  • I think she’s doing too much, thought she probably doesn’t see it like this. All teens have a full social life, and there’s a lot of fitting in to do. While it might be the done thing, and be fun, it is also taking a lot out of her, and she is becoming aggressive (meltdowns etc) as a result. 
    Could she be ADHD as well? Just asking, as if she ‘needs’ to always be out and about doing things, it could be. (Sounds like my daughter),

    There is concern over her age. By the time you get support, she could be 18, and then she’ll have to wait for the adult services to see her, which quite frankly is poor.

  • It might be worth trying medicinal cannabis.

    It quieted me down when I was a troublesome young person and still does now I am a troublesome older person. 

    The key is to measure and control your own dose. Too much is as bad or worse than too little, as it can impair as well as help the user.