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Breaking point

NAS83578

My son is autistic and struggling with school in fact he point blank refuses he’s only 8 but his anxiety is through the roof we have an idp in place and regulate meetings with the school who don’t listen to anything they just want him back in mainstream at any cost it’s not going to happen, so we got a plan in place have been doing it two weeks where we just try to get him through the door now because he went in once with me they’ve changed his plan to two days a week where today he will be forced to leave me we’ve had no time to plan or prepare him he’s not slept all night so anxious as his plans are now two hours a week he has to go to school without me ( no consistency we don’t even know which teacher will be meeting him, where he will go who will be with him he’s never had 1:1 support either) he is showing signs of dyslexia which they will not assess until he’s in high school iv spoken about designated provisions but they’ve talked me out of it told me that children is special schools don’t succeed n if I want him to have a future it’s not a good idea, I’m also going through a contact hearing where dad has had no contact through his choice for all his life and is now demanding contact he’s failed every drug test iv had my whole life invaded my children are becoming so anxious and do not want to see him due to all the past domestic abuse iv tried to explain everything and gave as much evidence in court as possible but the caffcass officer had already told me she’s decided on indirect contact ( that was before the drug tests came back positive) I know by law I do t have to engage with caffcass but I have done so that I don’t appear awkward as I’m also autistic this whole thing is really playing havoc with our routines our mental and physical health we have nobody that’s listening to us and feel like we have to adapt to suit the authorities requests rather than them adapting for my children it’s unfair it’s hard work and it’s making me poorly if anybody has advice on schools or courts please help I’m in court again next month and it’s really causing a huge negative impact on us and I don’t know how much fight iv got left in me

  • in reply to NAS83578

    Yep. That's sufficient information, I'm now sorry I raised the point but there can be an unfair stigma attached to drug users, but many clearly are terrible people, who also do drugs. 

    You definitely need to "decompress" a little, and have a bit of life outside of that struggle. Have you anyone in your life who might regularly step in and give you a few hours of doing something completely different per week? You can only look after your kids if you are being taken care of as well. 

    As for the ex. He's had his chance. Once you voluntarily leave your kids, you've broken one of the basic laws of nature and being a dad. 

    It might be at the end of the day, you may need the services of the local loansharks debt collector in order to serve an effective cease and desist message in the language your ex will understand best.

    But only as a last resort and method of self defence, if the system fails you.

    Just my blue-sky thinking, not saying it's right, but I've been learning the word "expedient" this week.

  • in reply to I Sperg

    I have medical cannabis prescribed every month so my issue isn’t with just that but saying that if coke is more important and you can’t give it up for your kids then I don’t think that can be classed as a good parents especially as iv watched people willingly take more coke as they waved their kids into care homes n I’m sorry but if I was asked to stop my medication because it was affecting my children negatively I wouldn’t even think about it I’d stop no questions no , and ok so drug users can be good parents but if you’re telling the courts that you don’t take drugs then fail every test I don’t see how that has been good to lie?? The courts know that I have medical cannabis as I gave them my prescriptions and a letter from my gp to prove that it’s making a huge difference to my disability and iv also looked into it for my oldest son ( oils though not flower) I think cannabis is very misunderstood and there’s still a lot of stigma around it but to me I don’t class it as a drug because what I have is completely legal monitored and tailored to my pain etc I take it twice a day which is far less than the other medications iv been on but I’m still very skepticle about using my vape in public n having to pull my medical card out 

    maybe I should of explained more but the judge decided that it was when my ex used drugs that he became violent which is utter rubbish because he was violent with or without them he just went worse the day after when he was feeling rough would leave us get in a mood start on me n go to his bit on the side, there was domestic abuse throughout n I’m not guna sit here n take the blame for him lashing out because I’m not confrontational I’m autistic and avoid fights and I did absolutely nothing to deserve what I went through neither did the kids but being the forgiving person that I am when he did get in touch after 7/8 years I gave him a chance I took the kids to see him he screamed at me in front of them started to be racist to someone else I front of them and lied through his teeth to his children let them down n told me just because I’m not with him I’ll always have the kids as a constant reminder which is a horrible thing to say, and alsorts of other stuff had he been a good dad we wouldn’t need court coz he would be having the kids at weekends why I’m catching up on sleep iv missed out on why iv been raising 3 disabled children on my own, but the fact is he’s not good he’s been in prison in n out for 32 years for beating his exes up and thanks to court I found out everything he’s fern inside for including sexual assault and harassment so ye sorry if I wasn’t clear but if you take drugs and it’s having an impact on kids I don’t see how that’s good for anybody to be honest 

    I am sorry that you don’t often get praised for your parenting and I’m not judging people who take drugs my issue was his lies and the fact that he isn’t wanting to see his kids he’s using the court to continue to control me n that’s my issue even if he stopped the drugs he would still be a nasty person 

  • Drug users CAN be good parents.

    I'm not used to recieving too much praise in my life, but that's something that everyone I know seems to think I did well, despite being a regular cannabis user...

  • in reply to Helen

    Thank you for your prayers I really appreciate prayers right now, just feel deflated nobody listens always repeating myself n I’m so sick of people thinking they can just Waltz in n tell us how to live we have a great routine at home n it’s school that constantly cocks it up, I went today to try n get my son in and they had completely changed his plan again he was up all night really anxious none of us slept so I emailed school to let them know it’s too much too soon iv had no time to prepare him or myself either then when I finally got him to school they told me I need to make a decision I can either keep him in and stick to their plans or I can take him out and homeschool him my way I just said thanks you’ve made it an easy choice and left in tears 

  • Hello,

    I don't have any experience with this kind of thing, but I hope that others on this forum will be able to give you some advice.

    Just wanted to say sorry that you're going through this, and I'm praying that you'll get some people in your life who listen, understand and can help your family.

    Helen Slight smile