This is my first post here but would really welcome thoughts on behaviour of my adult daughter and how to handle her as I am in despair.
She is 26 and has ASD traits and has suffered from severe depression and anxiety on and off since she was 18. She has never been diagnosed with ASD although two psychiatrists that have seen her for her depression said she would benefit from being screened. She is refusing to do this. She is high functioning but always says she can't look after herself e.g. household chores, decision making.
She has lived at home until now and has had everything done for her. In the last few months her MH has got so bad and her behaviour become very difficult. She has developed anger issues against my husband (her father) - hating him and saying he has abused her when in reality he has been a very good father and played a massive role in her very happy childhood. She demanded that he leave the house as she said her MH would not improve otherwise as it was all his fault. He has tried to keep his distance as much as possible but basically she says I should refuse to ever let him back. I refused to do this and told her he was coming home. She then bolted from the house, driving off in her car with very little possessions, no coat, wearing sandals with no socks etc.
I got the police involved and they found her in a Travelodge on the M1. They assessed her and said she was safe and not high risk (she had threatened to kill herself before). I managed to find that she had moved onto another hotel and had even slept in her car one night but eventually she turned up at her sister's house where she has been staying for the last week. This arrangement cannot continue as it is really disruptive to her sister's life - basically she has to share her bedroom and there are other tenants in the house that are not happy with this.
I have written to my daughter to say she can come home but her father will be here or alternatively we will do anything financially to support her find other accommodation. She is refusing this help and says we have made her homeless. I constantly get angry messages from her saying what despicable parents we are and it's all our fault and she will never speak to us again. She says "how can anything decent person let alone a mother let this happen". We have literally done everything for her. She seems to be in a constant state of anger and seems to have this sense of entitlement that she can carry on living in our house and force my husband out, breaking up our marriage and home in the process.
I have found some other rental accommodation near us that she can live in and am about to put a deposit on this. Shall I do this and force her to go and live there? Or should I just leave her to find her own way and hit rock bottom? I have no idea what to do about this. Her angry outbursts are a nightmare but she says she can't look after herself.
Any thoughts are comments are very well come as this is a nightmare we are living through.