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Father son

NAS82620

I am a father of a twenty year old autisic son. We have a good relationship most of the time. I have a lot of admiration for him and the way he see's the world without social filters, which can be embarassing, but that leads to the question why? which then makes me not question him, but my social norms and frankly how ridiculous so many of them are. But that is not why i am writing this. He is an adult now and as such our dynamic has changed and without the structure of shcool/colledge (he is hopefully going to university, but not till next September) it is difficult to try and get him to progress (or is that my projecting what i think progress is). At the moment he plays games and is on his comuter pretty much all day apart from when he plays board games with me and his brother, but this is getting less and less. What worries me is that our realtionshiop is like groundhog day and that we have such fixed patterns (i will suggest something, maybe exercise or coming with me to do something, he will react, i will react and we will argue). I am just looking for some way to break out of this pattern, to get him to do some other activities rather than just using his computer. Maybe i am just showing my age and maybe there is nothing wrong with having digital relationships. I don't want to be judgemental, but that is a big ask. Also i want to do what is right by him. That is the real question. Am i just letting him drift away or am i wanting to impose what i think is helathier on him. How much should one try to interfere with a 20 year old? I know what i would have said when i was twenty.

Parents

  • Hi It sounds like you are a good dad and want to continue. So, what I say is partly motivated by desire for another to have a father I never had.

    What's happening is his mind made him take a break now when he is able to do so I think. He doesn't know it yet probably but we need a break from constant push to follow norms and continue progress, or we end up having burnout. He will get bored eventually, or when the time will come to go to uni.

    Online relationships are saver.

    Computer can serve as many things in one. Many games help delevop some abilities, e.g. strategical reasoning. 

    I used to play boardgames and cards with my sisters a lot, but we never stuck to one, we continued to swap for more complicated, without challenge for the mind there is less fun.

    He is an adult now, so he needs to start making mistakes based on own decisions to learn from that

    He is most likely constantly feeling guilty for arguing with you, and trying to find a way to avoid it, until then distancing himself is the safest option. 

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  • Hi It sounds like you are a good dad and want to continue. So, what I say is partly motivated by desire for another to have a father I never had.

    What's happening is his mind made him take a break now when he is able to do so I think. He doesn't know it yet probably but we need a break from constant push to follow norms and continue progress, or we end up having burnout. He will get bored eventually, or when the time will come to go to uni.

    Online relationships are saver.

    Computer can serve as many things in one. Many games help delevop some abilities, e.g. strategical reasoning. 

    I used to play boardgames and cards with my sisters a lot, but we never stuck to one, we continued to swap for more complicated, without challenge for the mind there is less fun.

    He is an adult now, so he needs to start making mistakes based on own decisions to learn from that

    He is most likely constantly feeling guilty for arguing with you, and trying to find a way to avoid it, until then distancing himself is the safest option. 

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