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Struggling with outbursts

NAS83273

Hi I not used this before but I'm really struggling with my 6yo son. After finally getting him into the right school that stress is starting to dial down however recently my son has started to become physically violent again. I don't know how to deal with it ii try my best to stay calm get him somewhere safe despite getting punched, scratched, headbutted and bitten. I know some of his triggers and I try to minimize any problems but sometimes it still happens. Punishment is hard because he doesn't care and will continue to do it again. The worst part is when I see him smiling as he is doing it which makes me think he knows what he is doing and he is enjoying it. 

Been waiting for CAHMs to pull there finger out but as the case is everywhere no staff, long waiting lists. Was told to go to a GP but I don't see what they can do. 

He has a club but only goes once a month or twice if I'm lucky. The last time he was at club it ended with another physical outburst. I don't want him to get banned as there are barely any other SEND clubs available. 

I talk to him about coping mechanisms and things to do when he gets angry but it just goes out the window.

I'm stressed about going to work, getting him ready for school and bedtimes.

Any advice would be much appreciated 

  • So, I hear your struggles & understand you feel challenged. Sorry it's so hard!

    I'm curious what he, however, is feeling assaulted by? An outburst is a gut-reaction to something. What are these triggers? They will perhaps explain everything else that is difficult. But honestly, for an Autistic, Non-Autistics can be tiring and incredibly frustrating. It's sadly, a double Empathy problem: the clinical definition of Empathy is a subliminal relating with and then responding as expected. What we all need is not Empathy but more Compassion. x

  • in reply to SarahMod

    Thank you I've looked through some of those links already got some of the suggestions in place.

    Will look at getting more support for the family maybe try out some support groups but not great with new people

  • in reply to Glitter

    Thank you for the advice I will definitely take this on board had another challenging day and he has been sent home from school. His current school is useless for advice just get shoved out the door and get sent exclusion paperwork. But he is leaving there just not soon enough. 

    It makes sense with the smiling during his outbursts it's just hard in the moment to remember and not hold it against him.

    Need to be more on it with the rewards, I'm not very organized and can be quite forgetful need to try harder to keep up with it. 

  • In regard to the smiling, a lot of autistic people smile or laugh as a stress response. We express our emotions differently. Just because he's smiling doesn't mean he's enjoying it. He could be feeling very out of control.

    Rather than punishment for this behaviour (which could add to his stress) just focus on helping him find ways to calm down.  Try to notice the things that build up to it.  Keep talking to the school for help and advice.

  • Hi There, Sorry to hear you are going through a tough time - Individuals on the spectrum can often display behaviour that may be challenging. There will generally be a reason for this and it is important to try and understand the trigger for the behaviour when developing strategies. You may like to have a look at the following link for more information on behaviour and strategies: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour 

    You may be interested in seeking some professional support regarding the behaviour. You can search for professionals in your area we are aware of on the Autism Services Directory: https://www.autism.org.uk/directory 

    You might also like to take a look at The Challenging Behaviour Foundation website for further information and advice: https://www.challengingbehaviour.org.uk.  They also have an information and support service which you can contact by phone or email – details can be found here: https://www.challengingbehaviour.org.uk/for-family-carers/family-support-service/ 

    Hope that is helpful in some way,

    SarahMod