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Demands on parents from teen

NAS83266

Hi there , can anyone give any advice ?

16 year old teen, capable of doing things for herself however refuses. We have to jump to constant demands , can you get me a drink? can you go and get something from my bedroom,?  can you make me food, get me a charger … complete refusal to do anything. She is sitting A Levels and will not do any work unless we sit with her. We have  obeyed these commands since her diagnosis a couple of years ago for fear of the outlash (aggression) we would receive and now have made a rod for our own backs. We are scared not to comply as we have two other younger children. Any advice on what we can do?

thanks

Parents

  • Your daughter seems to have you over a barrel. Getting away with her behaviour towards you is bad for you, but it is also bad for her. If the threat of aggression has you cowed, she will just continue to act as she does. Being aggressive and trading on the threat of aggression is not a standard expression of autism. I am autistic and so is my daughter - aged 21 - neither of us is aggressive. Meltdowns can occur, but for me they are self-directed and do not usually involve aggression to others. Meltdowns can involve aggression, but are usually the result of a build up of tension over time, even though small incidents can seem to be the trigger. If your daughter becomes aggressive instantaneously it is more likely merely temper and a bad attitude, and not autistic in origin. It sounds like your daughter is using autism as an excuse for being unpleasant and outrageously demanding. If I were in your position I would send your younger children off somewhere and while they were away read your daughter the riot act. If she 'kicks off' your other children will not be in the firing line. Call her bluff and you may get somewhere, if not, you have lost very little.

  • in reply to Martin

    Thank you, I will take your advice. I think maybe I should have worded it aggressive attitude. It’s almost the threat that she will take it out on everyone rather than acting in it as she is an angry teen. It’s hard for me to work out what’s teen behaviour and what’s her autism. Going to give it a go today thanks!

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  • in reply to Martin

    Thank you, I will take your advice. I think maybe I should have worded it aggressive attitude. It’s almost the threat that she will take it out on everyone rather than acting in it as she is an angry teen. It’s hard for me to work out what’s teen behaviour and what’s her autism. Going to give it a go today thanks!

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