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Life Skills

JustJuno

Hey there,

I have a seventeen year old in her final year of school. Very bright. Determined to go off to uni next year but I'm not entirely convinced...

Less than a year ago she was suicidally depressed after a difficult mental breakdown and out of school. Her mental health is stable now (thank God!) but I am concerned that a massive change and an intense environment are potential ingredients to send her over the edge again. Perhaps I am being a typical mother finding the idea of her baby fledging the nest difficult. I want to help her fulfil her ambitions, but I am also aware that the next ten months are going to be a steep learning curve.

The main struggles are as follows:

- Executive functioning: a tendency to be very forgetful and disorganised (remembering appointments, mealtimes, etc.)

- ...and consequently OCD in an attempt to manage it (anxiety, obsessing over routine, labelling things, continuously checking timetable, mild paranoia about germs)

- OFF/ON brain. All or nothing. Intense focus and enthusiasm followed by burnout after pushing too far and not knowing when to stop.

- 1,2,3-7,8,9 emotional scale. Quick to flare up and act irrationally/impulsively (self-harm, etc.)

- Non-existent social skills. She doesn't have much experience with social interactions or friendships, and tends to over-mask or not at all, resulting in intense hyperactive extrovert time followed by reclusiveness.

I would really appreciate any advice anyone has about learning to cope as an autistic person in the adult world, and any opportunities you think might be beneficial for learning some life skills. She is desperate to make friends and practise interacting with people. I was wondering about a summer job, but what kind and how much this would reflect uni social skills, I don't know. Do you know of any autistic summer schools... youth camps... teenage support groups which could be recommended? I'm sure there will be books out there about aspie life skills, but I think practice is invaluable... but what kind I am yet to decide!

Parents

  • Completely understand you not being entirely convinced.  I was the same about my son going to uni and if you read the post I put up yesterday it's not going that well for my son as he failed his second year and is trying to get the uni to let him retake his second year.  Having said that though, he has enjoyed his time so far and has made a few really good like-minded friends.  He's socialising a lot more than he did when he was at home and has got himself a job working for the catering company that puts on events at his uni - he enjoys the washing up and cleaning more than interacting with the guests :-).

    The one thing that I let him get on with which I regret now was that he didn't want to disclose his autism to the uni.  I thought "he's an adult now, I need to let him make his own decisions", but looking back on where he is now, I wish I'd tried harder to encourage him to access any support available. 

    We made it very clear to him from the outset that uni isn't for everyone and if he felt it wasn't working for him, there would be no shame or problem from us if he wanted to give it up and try something different.  However he is very determined and really wants to have a second chance to prove what he can do.

    You'll worry a lot if she goes, but regular facetime's to catch up with her, visits to see her and making sure she has the opportunity to come home and decompress if she needs to are things that have helped me. - Best of luck.

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  • Completely understand you not being entirely convinced.  I was the same about my son going to uni and if you read the post I put up yesterday it's not going that well for my son as he failed his second year and is trying to get the uni to let him retake his second year.  Having said that though, he has enjoyed his time so far and has made a few really good like-minded friends.  He's socialising a lot more than he did when he was at home and has got himself a job working for the catering company that puts on events at his uni - he enjoys the washing up and cleaning more than interacting with the guests :-).

    The one thing that I let him get on with which I regret now was that he didn't want to disclose his autism to the uni.  I thought "he's an adult now, I need to let him make his own decisions", but looking back on where he is now, I wish I'd tried harder to encourage him to access any support available. 

    We made it very clear to him from the outset that uni isn't for everyone and if he felt it wasn't working for him, there would be no shame or problem from us if he wanted to give it up and try something different.  However he is very determined and really wants to have a second chance to prove what he can do.

    You'll worry a lot if she goes, but regular facetime's to catch up with her, visits to see her and making sure she has the opportunity to come home and decompress if she needs to are things that have helped me. - Best of luck.

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