• Replies 5 replies
  • Subscribers 71 subscribers
  • Views 1149 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Life Skills

JustJuno

Hey there,

I have a seventeen year old in her final year of school. Very bright. Determined to go off to uni next year but I'm not entirely convinced...

Less than a year ago she was suicidally depressed after a difficult mental breakdown and out of school. Her mental health is stable now (thank God!) but I am concerned that a massive change and an intense environment are potential ingredients to send her over the edge again. Perhaps I am being a typical mother finding the idea of her baby fledging the nest difficult. I want to help her fulfil her ambitions, but I am also aware that the next ten months are going to be a steep learning curve.

The main struggles are as follows:

- Executive functioning: a tendency to be very forgetful and disorganised (remembering appointments, mealtimes, etc.)

- ...and consequently OCD in an attempt to manage it (anxiety, obsessing over routine, labelling things, continuously checking timetable, mild paranoia about germs)

- OFF/ON brain. All or nothing. Intense focus and enthusiasm followed by burnout after pushing too far and not knowing when to stop.

- 1,2,3-7,8,9 emotional scale. Quick to flare up and act irrationally/impulsively (self-harm, etc.)

- Non-existent social skills. She doesn't have much experience with social interactions or friendships, and tends to over-mask or not at all, resulting in intense hyperactive extrovert time followed by reclusiveness.

I would really appreciate any advice anyone has about learning to cope as an autistic person in the adult world, and any opportunities you think might be beneficial for learning some life skills. She is desperate to make friends and practise interacting with people. I was wondering about a summer job, but what kind and how much this would reflect uni social skills, I don't know. Do you know of any autistic summer schools... youth camps... teenage support groups which could be recommended? I'm sure there will be books out there about aspie life skills, but I think practice is invaluable... but what kind I am yet to decide!

  • Completely understand you not being entirely convinced.  I was the same about my son going to uni and if you read the post I put up yesterday it's not going that well for my son as he failed his second year and is trying to get the uni to let him retake his second year.  Having said that though, he has enjoyed his time so far and has made a few really good like-minded friends.  He's socialising a lot more than he did when he was at home and has got himself a job working for the catering company that puts on events at his uni - he enjoys the washing up and cleaning more than interacting with the guests :-).

    The one thing that I let him get on with which I regret now was that he didn't want to disclose his autism to the uni.  I thought "he's an adult now, I need to let him make his own decisions", but looking back on where he is now, I wish I'd tried harder to encourage him to access any support available. 

    We made it very clear to him from the outset that uni isn't for everyone and if he felt it wasn't working for him, there would be no shame or problem from us if he wanted to give it up and try something different.  However he is very determined and really wants to have a second chance to prove what he can do.

    You'll worry a lot if she goes, but regular facetime's to catch up with her, visits to see her and making sure she has the opportunity to come home and decompress if she needs to are things that have helped me. - Best of luck.

  • JustJuno said:
    Determined to go off to uni next year
    JustJuno said:
    desperate to make friends and practise interacting with people

    Sounds like this decision has already been made!

    Some unis now have student advisers with specialist experience in dealing with young people with all sorts of mental health issues. If there is a short list of potential unis your daughter is looking at - they could check out what staffing or resources are available with awareness of autism or general mental health. 

    There's also some basic info here on this site:

    Starting college or university

  • As an undiagnosed autist I found university to be, overall, a very positive experience. I had problems, anxiety, times when I was not sure what was required of me on my course, problems with taking exams in large crowded halls etc. but after a few weeks I enjoyed being independent from my family, and it was the only time in my life I had half a dozen friends or more.

    Today, for someone who has been diagnosed, universities offer useful accommodations, extra time in exams, exams in small rooms with a handful of other people, software to help with time management, a named contact in the disability support office, notifying lecturers about accommodations - like extra clarifications on coursework requirements, providing course material to cover lectures missed due to overwhelm etc.

    I found undergraduate life much, much better than any of my time at school, which I hated and loathed. I then went on to work at universities and did two more degrees. Research degrees, I did a MSc and then a PhD, could be designed for autistic people, they play to our strengths.

  • To be honest, University isn't the right environment; for kids with Autism. From experience, I masked and BSed the whole way through. In the end, I didn't make a career out of it, and was 'Overqualified' for educational courses which would have been more productive.

    Isolation is a bummer, especially if you're already lonely.