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Struggling with parenting

Lego Girl

I have a six year old daughter and I'm a single mother. My daughter is a sweet girl lovely child lots of zest and funny but she has meltdowns big meltdowns sometimes and she kicks and screams. Like me she is Autistic and at times I find it hard to cope. She has meltdowns almost every day and she did tonight. She didn't want to have her tea - I'm not sure why she doesn't want it sometimes. Some days she just won't have it. Tonight was one of those times, she ended up screaming, kicked me, threw her plate and had a huge tantrum. She's settled down now and is happy watching some tv but I get stressed and it almost makes me meltdown to. I don't know what to do. I feel I need extra help and support. I've got family my parents but not all the time. Her dad doesn't want to know her or me. It's just us but I can't do anything right for her - feel a failure at times. My health isn't great and it's all a bit much.

Parents

  • I’m sorry - that sounds incredibly stressful for both of you. And I’m also very sorry that her Dad is obviously no help to you both whatsoever - that’s dreadful and must be a very hard thing to deal with. His loss of course. 
    Presumably your daughter is doing this because she is feeling overwhelmed for some reason. Is it always around mealtimes that this happens? Is she having problems at school which result in her letting out the stress of that when she gets home? As she is 6 it’s likely that she will be able to talk about how she is feeling and why she is behaving in this way. Essentially you need to be a bit of a detective and set to work on finding out what is behind these meltdowns - then you can address the cause. In the meantime try to help her to feel safe and let her know that you want to understand what’s making her feel this way, and that as her mum your 100% on her side, and you love her and you’re going to help her to feel better. 
    You’ll get through this together - and when you do your relationship will be all the stronger for it. Tread gently with her, listen to her, help her to feel safe and secure. There will be a reason for her behaviour - that’s certain. You just need to find the reason and help her to cope. Her Dad not being in the picture is a great shame - that in itself is a lot for her to cope with I imagine. 
    I’m sorry you’re feeling unwell too - that can’t be easy. I hope you feel better soon. Please don’t feel like a failure - life’s hard enough as it is without you talking yourself down - try not to engage in negative self-talk - be kind to yourself! You’re working hard to be a good mum to your daughter - give yourself credit for that. You’ll work through all these problems in time x 

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    Hi Kate thanks for your lovely reply.

    Unfortunately as soon as I found out I was pregnant her dad flew off so it is hard but mostly hard for her as she misses him I think. She's not really known him but I think she wishes he was there maybe.

    I'm not sure of the exact cause of all this. It does seem to happen around mealtimes and bedtime. I think maybe she's getting upset at school like perhaps the lessons are too much for her or the class is too loud? I'm not sure. I've asked but she won't or can't say. I'm patient though and always reassure her she can talk to me about anything when she's ready to. I'm always 100% with her no matter what and I do remind her of this though I make sure not to put her under any pressure as well. She was sick the last few days so I'm wondering if that might have caused some of this? She's not the best at saying how she feels.

    Thanks Kate I know we'll get there it just seems a long time coming at the moment. I do wish I had more help with her but I'm hoping I can get to the bottom of this and help her through it all. Chances are she wouldn't trust anyone else to help her anyway. It's a shame about her dad I wish there was something I could do to help her with that. 

    Thanks so much!

  • in reply to Lego Girl

    It sounds like you’re finding your way through this. I can’t even imagine how someone would have a child and then not want to know them - as I say it’s his loss more than anyones. I can imagine how it must be upsetting for your daughter - thank goodness you are there for her 100% and won’t let her down. We can’t be perfect parents but as long as our children know we’re always there for them and always on their side and doing our best - then I think that’s ultimately what matters the most. Everyone has rocky periods and a crisis here and there - but in most cases we get through fairly unscathed in the end! Good luck ! X 

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  • in reply to Lego Girl

    It sounds like you’re finding your way through this. I can’t even imagine how someone would have a child and then not want to know them - as I say it’s his loss more than anyones. I can imagine how it must be upsetting for your daughter - thank goodness you are there for her 100% and won’t let her down. We can’t be perfect parents but as long as our children know we’re always there for them and always on their side and doing our best - then I think that’s ultimately what matters the most. Everyone has rocky periods and a crisis here and there - but in most cases we get through fairly unscathed in the end! Good luck ! X 

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