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Violent son

Billy87

Me and my wife are really struggling to look after our son. We love him more than life itself and he's a lovely caring good natured boy most of the time but he can be so violent and we dont know what to do about it.

He is 3 years old and on the waiting list for an autism diagnosis. (I am autistic too)

The thing is he can be incredibly violent. He doesnt usually even seem agressive when he does it, a lot of the time he is laughing like its a game. He punches me full on in the teeth, face and head. He kicks me in the head when I'm in bed in the morning

My wife is 8 months pregnant and has to spend almost a whole day with a cushion over her tummy cos he hits her in the stomach so much, sometimes when hes angry and sometimes when hes excited. He also tries to gouge our eyes and various other things

It sounds silly to be threatened by a 3 year old but he is freakishly, almost superhumanly strong for his age and often stronger than either me or my wife

We are both at breaking point and turning on each other over it and  I dont know what to do. If hes like this when he's older he might have to go into care or something as it wont be safe for us or the new baby to be around him

We love him so much hes our world and honestly most of the time he is the sweetest most caring lovely boy you could meet. Its just these epizodes of violence and at the moment they are at least twice a day 

Desperate, dont know what to do or any stratagies to use. We have had support from our Health Visitor but theres only so much they can do

Parents

  • Gosh, this sounds really difficult. What form of discipline will he respect? What have you tried so far and how long has this been going on. 

    But further more, is he possibly ADHD? Does he need a few things in his room you can appropriate for taking aggression out on? And, I hate to say it at a young age, but would a video game help as a redirectional tool? He may need some kind of free aggressive sport and to be worn out daily, but for now a punching bag might do the trick. 

    He will definitely need a stern No, you cannot hit other humans. And then an immediate moving him into a room away from others with something his is allowed to take aggression out on. No second chances, no distractions. 

    The problem is, if this is not fixed quick, you could have a far worse situation on your hands in a social setting or with a newborn. 

    If not ADHD adrenaline (these can come at random), is there a trigger in the house setting him off? Is he responding to feeling trapped by a scent, by unnatural fibres, by a possible food (cacao will sometime trigger violent behaviour in little ones)? Is it an electrical hum? Kids tend to mimic or replay a thing in a different way. So, if he feels violently 'hit' by something (a sudden ear infection or an interruption of sorts) he may be replaying this in the only way he knows how to communicate. 

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  • Gosh, this sounds really difficult. What form of discipline will he respect? What have you tried so far and how long has this been going on. 

    But further more, is he possibly ADHD? Does he need a few things in his room you can appropriate for taking aggression out on? And, I hate to say it at a young age, but would a video game help as a redirectional tool? He may need some kind of free aggressive sport and to be worn out daily, but for now a punching bag might do the trick. 

    He will definitely need a stern No, you cannot hit other humans. And then an immediate moving him into a room away from others with something his is allowed to take aggression out on. No second chances, no distractions. 

    The problem is, if this is not fixed quick, you could have a far worse situation on your hands in a social setting or with a newborn. 

    If not ADHD adrenaline (these can come at random), is there a trigger in the house setting him off? Is he responding to feeling trapped by a scent, by unnatural fibres, by a possible food (cacao will sometime trigger violent behaviour in little ones)? Is it an electrical hum? Kids tend to mimic or replay a thing in a different way. So, if he feels violently 'hit' by something (a sudden ear infection or an interruption of sorts) he may be replaying this in the only way he knows how to communicate. 

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