Published on 12, July, 2020
RMy adult son has said hes had enough of me and wants to move out . Ok i knew it would happen one day but hes being so nasty. Saying he doesnt want me to know where he is so i cant visit, asking g why i sent him to a crap school when he was 4, why i got married (divorced) trying to make me out to be a bad mother when all ive tried to do is help him and care for him on my own most of his life. I feel so upset and down , i feel lost and empty Our relationship is damaged. Weve been left on our own for so long without any help, although hes not easy in that respect to try and help and advise. Alli want is for him to have a better life and be happy instead of spending everyday in his room. I dont know if i can get through this...
Things you have mentioned that can affect any child, but autistic people can have difficulty letting go of things and so years later still have these thoughts and feelings that should really have been filed away. Blaming you is easier than accepting difficult things about himself, and what has happened. I don't know how realistic it is for him moving out, but he would still be having difficulties with himself and what happened but in a different place, so won't really change anything.
He is highly likely spending a lot of time ruminating, thinking over and over about things without knowing how to stop this, or even enjoying it. In his room 'stewing' is not helping him put these things to rest, he needs to break up his thoughts by doing better things, the internal anger he has needs channelling out by putting that energy into something worthwhile.
Best thing is to say you aren't going to accept his blame or punishment for these things, but that you can help him work on accepting things about himself and the past. Keep repeating it each time he say these things.
Reach out to other parents on social media and any support you find, you don't need to tackle this alone, and you have here as well.
I'm sorry things are hard for you at the moment but I want you to know you definitely can and will get through this. I'm sorry your son is treating you this, it sounds like he's got a lot of built up anger and feelings and is taking it out on you. It can't be easy for you to cope with I'm sorry.
Just remember that what he says isn't true and you are not to blame. You have raised him, provided for him and loved him. As a parent you can't do anymore than that. Please keep reaching out if you need to. Samaritans are useful to talk to if you need to have a chat with someone.
Hello NAS10073,
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time with your son. If you feel that you might need some support with your mental health, you can find advice and information on how to go about seeking help, including links to other resources and details of helplines and listening support services, here: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/seeking-help.
All the best,
ChloeMod