Advice please

We currently have a situation with regards to our 13yr old son, who although not formally diagnosed. We do have an ED report stating our son lacks social and communication skills along with dyslexia. We are waiting for SEN and he is currently under assessment with CAMHS and from the outside he does look like an ordinary child!!!!!!!!!!!.  

We are having lots of problems at school, but in the last week it seems to be getting worse.

A bit of back ground info;

I do believe my son is aware of his impairments and does struggle with his image. When we received written notification from SEN dept, which was address to parents of and his name. My son opened the letter, there was a leaflet in the envelope explain children’s disability service and a pic of a visually disabled young lady. We later found this info in the bin, when we asked him why, his answer was “they are trying to make me disabled”.

Last week;

We have been made aware by school that my son and a female child, who does look visually disabled, struggle to get on.

During the last wk, there have been a number of incidents with the two not getting on. The female and these are the words from the teacher, “she cries wolf” and my son who reacts badly to certain situations have a number of incidents in the class room.

We have now been called into school for a meeting with regards to and again the teacher’s words “he has been bullying and intimidating to her”.

When I try to explain to the teachers about my son, I get the rolling of the eyes and comments like, well when we get the formal diagnosis!!!!!!! We have seen him behave differently, we know he can do it, he’s choosing to behave like this, and these are un provoked incidents.

I do think he struggles to see people who are visually disabled due to his own impairments.

But how do i relay this to school in order for them to understand? 

We feel like we are banging our head against a wall.   

 

        

 

  • Yes sounds like my son, his image is so important and yes it is all normal teenage stuff with names on, he follows what style his brother is wearing.

    At school he is so desparate to fit in and be accepted knowing his deficiets.

     

    I have e-mailed the local ASD school to enquire about the possibilty of him getting place their.

    I am glad that your son is getting the support he needs, i know he has a long way to go but it's a start.

    All we can do is fit for our children.

    xx    

  • Its much better at the special school But he has problems getting on with some of the other kids.  I suppose the problem is that they all have problems with social communication and some things do stress him with that.  However the school know what they are doing and are brilliant with him. I just feel so much better knowing he is safe and secure and that any issues will be dealt with in an appropriate way.

    Yes to image problems - he is very aware of his looks and sometimes wants to wear strsnge things! However I think thats probably quite normal teen stuff!

  • Thanks Mary.

    It does worry me the damage that he is enduring when in school. It makes me worry every day for him, it seems he is on the back foot all the time.

    How has your son coped in the special school? does your son have image problems?

    I do think he would be better off in this type of school rather than a main stream that does want to understand him.

    Hopefully we will have the SEN within the next couple of weeks, tomorrow i will start making enquires with other schools. I know they think that i make excuses for him, i am not, t try to advocate for my son and help them understand how he is.

     

  • Hi sorry to hear you are going through this.  Similar situation to us. Our son is now out of mainstream , in a special school for asd children and at last we feel he is understood.  He is treated with respect, we are not made to feel we have a naughty or agressive child.  His issues are being addresed and he is not constantly in trouble for being who he is.  There is still  a long way to go and he has been damaged by his experince in mainstream secondary, however we are  the right track

    My advice to you would be to rsearch other schools where they will understand your sons needs.  You will need the statement so keep pushing for that.  I never thought in a million years that our child would need a school like the one he is at because he is high functioning and does not appear to have problems on first sight.  However I know different now.

    Best of luck, keep on pushing and you will get what you need.

  • Thanks Crystal12.

    We am on count down for the hols it=less hassle for us because he is not in school.

    The statement panel meet 21/6/13 & i am told 2 wks after that we will be notified about the SEN. I have already asked for a meeting with school wk of 11/7/13.

    Did ring Thurs & Fri last wk to CAMHS but the lead on my son's assessment was not in the office, so will persue Mon morning.

    We struggle with the schools reaction with regards to my son, it just seems to be one complaint after another. We had to put a complaint in after parents evening, teachers telling us he is like a caged animal in the class, they are intimadated by him/size, no we've not read his IEP, no we didn't know he was dyslexic. We were speachless.

    Thanks.x 

  • Hi - I'd try to make CAMHS get a move on + get the statement of educational needs asap. The school sounds v unsupportive so it may be worth considering whether another school wd be better for him.  Also re. CAMHS, I think I'd mention to them that putting the parents + child's name on the letter needs re-examining.  Your son clearly felt entitled to open it because his name was there, so none of you were properly prepared for that.  At least the summer holidays will soon be here, but I'd really start pushing now, partly because a lot of people go on holiday + it wd be best if the statement etc were in place for September.  Sorry you're all having so much hassle from people who don't appear to appreciate your situation (or don't care enough).