Rudeness and not listening to instructions

Sometimes kids don't quite realise they're being commanded to do a thing. They might hear an invitation to dialogue. Or they may not understand what you're asking and get overwhelmed. 

Somehow she needs to feel that no matter what happens, she can trust you more than anyone else in the world. Kids need to feel a sense of agency, respected and most importantly understood and protected. One of the best pieces of advice I've ever heard is Respect is given, Trust is earned. This is the most important for family and everyone can wait. My clients appreciate I put my son's needs first. But trying to show I have his best interest and create appropriate boundaries while teaching him agency - how to make decisions, can be difficult. 

Sometimes it's best to put everything on hold and spend time investing in growing our relationship with our kids. Have a night in, order take away, inspire them to tell you about themselves. Find out their questions and dreams and thoughts. Watch their favourite movie. See if they have new talent emerging. 

Autistic wiring is such that it is kind and courteous to 'over-explain' and be as pragmatic as possible. For NeuroTypicals, this is incredibly condescending, and here is a big disconnect. But for centuries, we've loved good articulated styles of language, a command of syntax and grammar. It's only more recently as adverts and algorithms have tried to suggest, that we expect others to 'read our minds'. And no one is telepathic.

If she is Autistic, she may feel unseen, misrepresented and as if she's getting commands which make little to no sense. In response, she may use whatever is learned to communicate a feeling of being unprotected. She won't know how to use language very well. Our job as parents is to help encourage open discussion and help children understand themselves and respond appropriately or assert proper boundaries. Problems arise when signals are mixed from a Double Empathy problem. Most autistics have difficulty with language and sub-text, with never feeling understood (and this compounds an issue of feeling isolated) and difficulty identifying their feelings. 

It's imperative to lead by example. Always find a way to be understanding. Do tasks with your child until they express they'd like to do them without your help. Always give advance warning. Always ask if I can help. Always be a source of openness and reasonableness. These are basic manners of showing respect and the child eventually returns the gestures. We can sometimes be more kind to strangers than our own family. It should be the other way around. Strangers won't be there when we age. 

Sometimes kids don't quite realise they're being commanded to do a thing. They might hear an invitation to dialogue. Or they may not understand what you're asking and get overwhelmed. 

Somehow she needs to feel that no matter what happens, she can trust you more than anyone else in the world. Kids need to feel a sense of agency, respected and most importantly understood and protected. One of the best pieces of advice I've ever heard is Respect is given, Trust is earned. This is the most important for family and everyone can wait. My clients appreciate I put my son's needs first. But trying to show I have his best interest and create appropriate boundaries while teaching him agency - how to make decisions, can be difficult. 

Sometimes it's best to put everything on hold and spend time investing in growing our relationship with our kids. Have a night in, order take away, inspire them to tell you about themselves. Find out their questions and dreams and thoughts. Watch their favourite movie. See if they have new talent emerging. 

Autistic wiring is such that it is kind and courteous to 'over-explain' and be as pragmatic as possible. For NeuroTypicals, this is incredibly condescending, and here is a big disconnect. But for centuries, we've loved good articulated styles of language, a command of syntax and grammar. It's only more recently as adverts and algorithms have tried to suggest, that we expect others to 'read our minds'. And no one is telepathic.

If she is Autistic, she may feel unseen, misrepresented and as if she's getting commands which make little to no sense. In response, she may use whatever is learned to communicate a feeling of being unprotected. She won't know how to use language very well. Our job as parents is to help encourage open discussion and help children understand themselves and respond appropriately or assert proper boundaries. Problems arise when signals are mixed from a Double Empathy problem. Most autistics have difficulty with language and sub-text, with never feeling understood (and this compounds an issue of feeling isolated) and difficulty identifying their feelings. 

It's imperative to lead by example. Always find a way to be understanding. Do tasks with your child until they express they'd like to do them without your help. Always give advance warning. Always ask if I can help. Always be a source of openness and reasonableness. These are basic manners of showing respect and the child eventually returns the gestures. We can sometimes be more kind to strangers than our own family. It should be the other way around. Strangers won't be there when we age.