• Replies 3 replies
  • Subscribers 68 subscribers
  • Views 620 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Parent of 2 Aspies reaching out

NAS81193

As a father of 2 Aspies (16 and 13), with a wife who has changed careers from teaching to therapy in order to understand and help our own kids better, I can't believe this is the FIRST time I've ever sought connection with other parents of kids on the spectrum. 

We have tried so hard to support and develop them but despite all our efforts, one huge doubt remains: where is the line between supporting their development (therapy, new experiences, extending their comfort zones, etc) and accepting them 'as they are' (which limitations are innate? Are our efforts actually harming our kids?) And at an even deeper level, are our efforts driven by a desire to support them or a denial of how they are? After all these years, I'm realising that instead of working on them maybe the best way to help them would have been to work on myself. 

Not sure there's even a question there. Wishing you all well. 

Parents

  • Accept them the way they are

    Teach them how to fend for themselves, if they can learn it. it's cruel place, this planet.

    Teach them to prioritise Mental Health over other things, to avoid bad complications later in life

    Some therapies are actually harmful to us

    Myself I prefer to do things on my own, those that I manage, even if it is a struggle.

    I didn't get even advice about things I'm clueless how to do them, my family only demanded that I get them done, a constant nagging that still continues. despite reading all there is about it, I still can't cope with things like finding job, a partner, or how to avoid conflicts with strangers or new workmates, all manuals sounds to me like gibberish.

    I find it difficult to say no, so people pushing me to make me agree to something quickly end up among those to be avoided. There is many reasons why we take time to answer actually

    It's possible that your kids like majority of autistic say what they mean and mean what they say, and perceive what other people tell them the same way. It was massive blow for me to find out that my mom lied to me on few occassions, how can I trust her now?

    Like Caelus said, anything that they don't like if you push them they will hide in a rabbit hole, if it continues they will hide forever, despite living in your house.

    We tend to like humour, we don't always get all the jokes, and we often make jokes others don't get.

    But not the jokes where people are laughing out what they perceive as other person's shortcomings

    With age we are becoming a lot more sensitive and that includes our sensitivities

Reply

  • Accept them the way they are

    Teach them how to fend for themselves, if they can learn it. it's cruel place, this planet.

    Teach them to prioritise Mental Health over other things, to avoid bad complications later in life

    Some therapies are actually harmful to us

    Myself I prefer to do things on my own, those that I manage, even if it is a struggle.

    I didn't get even advice about things I'm clueless how to do them, my family only demanded that I get them done, a constant nagging that still continues. despite reading all there is about it, I still can't cope with things like finding job, a partner, or how to avoid conflicts with strangers or new workmates, all manuals sounds to me like gibberish.

    I find it difficult to say no, so people pushing me to make me agree to something quickly end up among those to be avoided. There is many reasons why we take time to answer actually

    It's possible that your kids like majority of autistic say what they mean and mean what they say, and perceive what other people tell them the same way. It was massive blow for me to find out that my mom lied to me on few occassions, how can I trust her now?

    Like Caelus said, anything that they don't like if you push them they will hide in a rabbit hole, if it continues they will hide forever, despite living in your house.

    We tend to like humour, we don't always get all the jokes, and we often make jokes others don't get.

    But not the jokes where people are laughing out what they perceive as other person's shortcomings

    With age we are becoming a lot more sensitive and that includes our sensitivities

Children
No Data