Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone, my sister is 11 and has been diagnosed with autism. Her behaviour on the whole is quite good, but over the last couple of months she keeps having random outbursts of anger and aggression. This usually consists of her throwing things, hitting, biting and slapping myself and my mom and nothing we have tried seems to make the situation better. We have tried the distraction method, ignoring the behaviour, walking away, removing phones and iPads and talking to her but absolutely nothing works and she is getting out of control. Her meltdowns are beginning to become more and more frequent (a few times a week) and they last for a few hours. There is never anything specific that triggers them, other than sometimes a certain video on YouTube seems to start her off. We aren’t quite sure what else we can do to try and help the situation so any advice or tips would be greatly appreciated. We thought it could possibly hormone related as she is nearly 12, but her school haven’t been very supportive at all. Thanks x
Totally agree with Dawn. My son is 20 now, we learnt as we went along, he needed space during a meltdown, all breakables removed for safety. School was a major factor, even though a special needs school, he would be like a pressure cooker, and release the pressure in a meltdown when home, he found it difficult being indoors so long at school with too much noise and too many voices, and demands made on him. It really helps to keep a detailed diary of their day that could point to triggers, ie: times awake/sleep, activities, food/drink, their mood, even when they have a bowel movement,( we found constipation seriously effected our sons behaviour, due to it causing pain). Pain is probably one of the main triggers for most behaviour, it is difficult for them to communicate, hence meltdowns, its worth giving pain killers when you notice signs of a low mood before an actual meltdown. Keeping a detailed daily diary can help pinpoint the problem by showing a pattern. Hope things settle for you all soon.
Sorry to jump on the post. New to all this myself but can I add that your suggestions are very useful
Sometimes I feel I may be too blunt! It's hard with these and so difficult. You've got some great advice here. x
Oh there will be something specific triggering it, but she may not know what it is.
11, you say...hormones kicking in just to complicate matters, then...
What's going on at school...?
How does she behave there? It is not uncommon for autistic girls to hold it together all day at school, only to melt down once at home...they've overloaded and let go once in their safe space
Remember she can't control the meltdown, but neither can she hit people. She needs a safe space to go when this is building and to then let it happen, so you and your mum are out of the way.
You and mum need to back out of her zone while it plays out, then ask her later if she even knows what overloaded her. If you know that - and it might take a while - you can minimize her stressors.
Bless you how old are you? Just remember a melt down never has anything to do with you. It is never anything you did and it's not targeted at you really, although it may feel like that, and all the person in meltdown wants is for the trigger to stop.
Just step back and talk to her later.
I'm not sure who gave you these ideas:
NAS81093 said:the distraction method, ignoring the behaviour, walking away, removing phones and iPads and talking to her but absolutely nothing works
But they won't work. You cannot manipulate an autistic out of a meltdown. There IS something triggering it, causing trauma, stress, pain.
If it's actually 'random' - while nothing is happening at home (no cooking, no sudden sounds - even the refrigerator turning on, no conversation, nothing) then there could be a good deal of unresolved complexities she is in desperate need of resolving.
If she's in the middle of thought, work, a chore, a focus and interrupted, then interrupting her is like waking a sleepwalker.
Given there's not much here to go off, I'm giving you some common things which are traumatising if not just torture for Autistics in society.
Unresolved Matters can be triggered by a word, a gesture. Our minds can be in chaos over matters and stuck in a loop often from an inability to identify something.
Monotropism: https://monotropism.org a natural Flow-state which makes us easily hyper-focused and suitable for highly skilled jobs requiring this ability.
Sensory Impact: We cannot dull our senses like non-Autistics. We're wired different. This is amazing for picking up incredible detail, but without proper shielding, we are incredibly vulnerable and pick up things others don't. This includes internal and external and sometimes subliminal systems of exchange. While autistics don't always pick up sub-text, they might see right through whatever is being stated as false and not know they're not supposed to say anything. This is also a sensory ability.
https://autcollab.org/2020/04/30/autism-the-cultural-immune-system-of-human-societies/?fbclid=IwAR37xumHkRga0hADICA80wxaWycn7_Kr9Oc6uZhcs2zJ0QzamXOI4qwU2bQ