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Any sibling of people with ASD?

YAN

Hi, I am a sister of a boy with ASD and I come from China. Over years, my family suffer from ASD. My mother keeps training my brother in life skills and personal hobbies (like piano, dance, painting). She is very emotional and shouts at my brother every day. I think my brother is gradually being tamed and losing his confidence. He will ask for our permission and suggestions for those easy things, for example, if this shirt needs to be washed. I am tired of my parents and feel empathy for my brother. 

I have entered the forum for several months, but I have not noticed any article written by siblings of people with ASD. I would like to know about other siblings' experiences. Am I alone?

Parents

  • You aren't alone, but this site seems to be just for people who are autistic or who are raising an autistic person. I've yet to find much for family members, and I have been trying for weeks. 

    My brother is not autistic, but was special needs, and it dominated family life. I totally understand why online support would be helpful.  

    Are you still living at home? 

  • in reply to NAS80706

    Thank you for your response. Yeah, I still live at home but only for 3 months a year. I have a desire to escape from this family and this phenomenon. I wanna study abroad, work and live in other cities. But at the same time, I know that I love my brother and my parents. And I totally accept that I will be the future carer of my brother and take responsibility for his life after my parents pass away. It's quite contradictory right...

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  • in reply to NAS80706

    Thank you for your response. Yeah, I still live at home but only for 3 months a year. I have a desire to escape from this family and this phenomenon. I wanna study abroad, work and live in other cities. But at the same time, I know that I love my brother and my parents. And I totally accept that I will be the future carer of my brother and take responsibility for his life after my parents pass away. It's quite contradictory right...

Children
  • in reply to NAS80706

    Yes, I totally agree with your idea. I try to make myself stronger and then I will be able to look after my brother. Unfortunately, I am afraid that there is no befriending service in China to help rebuild confidence. Maybe my brother could get better if he could stay away from my mother, like entering a boarding school for children with ASD. But that is too expensive to afford, about ￡3,000 per month. Are there any befriending services in UK for people with ASD?

  • in reply to YAN

    I would encourage you to take the opportunities now to travel and work in other places because you may not be able to later, when you are the primary carer for your brother. 

    Pursuing your interests and relationships will help you to be stronger and more resilient, and less resentful later when you need to make decisions with your brother in mind. 

    But it is hard, especially when you wish things were different between your parents and brother. 

    Are there befriending services near where he lives? It could be that having a buddy helps his confidence.