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Any sibling of people with ASD?

YAN

Hi, I am a sister of a boy with ASD and I come from China. Over years, my family suffer from ASD. My mother keeps training my brother in life skills and personal hobbies (like piano, dance, painting). She is very emotional and shouts at my brother every day. I think my brother is gradually being tamed and losing his confidence. He will ask for our permission and suggestions for those easy things, for example, if this shirt needs to be washed. I am tired of my parents and feel empathy for my brother. 

I have entered the forum for several months, but I have not noticed any article written by siblings of people with ASD. I would like to know about other siblings' experiences. Am I alone?

  • in reply to Brighty

    Thank you!! Are you a sister too? I have only encountered one male autism sibling in China. He was quite indifferent to his autistic brother. I am not sure whether it is common or not. Is it femininity that makes me worry a lot about my brother? When I was young, I sometimes thought my brother ruined my family and wished him never to come to this world. But gradually, I love him so much. He is so gentle and warm, always asks and remembers the dates and times I come back home. I really hope he could live a better life.

    Also, thanks for sharing this blog!! I even wanna write my own story.

  • in reply to Mariusz

    Thank you! Sometimes I really wanna experience the world of autistic people. I want to know what my brother is thinking and what the world looks like through his eyes, but I cannot.

  • So glad to find this!!!! My little brother has autism, I love him more than anything but there seriously needs to be more support for us. I worry so much about his future. I don't think people realise how stressful it can be having an autistic sibling. I feel like I'm constantly worrying about him. I do know a couple of other autism siblings but we never talk about this kind of thing, not entirely sure why. It feels really lonely a lot of the time. (Wouldn't give it up for anything though!)

    Not sure if anyone else will find this helpful but after going through about 30 pages of Google looking for something from the point of view of an autism sibling I found this blog. (unnecessaryinputofanautismsibling.blogspot.com)

  • You're good sister. I have 3 sisters, and mom alive still. But any talk that has a word autistic in it gets no comment and becomes immediately forgotten. 

    I haven't noticed many sibilings of autistic saying anything on this forum. If there are any they stay silent. And it's difficult to undestand everything that's said here for non-autistic, because they didn't experience anything like it.

  • in reply to NAS80706

    Yes, I totally agree with your idea. I try to make myself stronger and then I will be able to look after my brother. Unfortunately, I am afraid that there is no befriending service in China to help rebuild confidence. Maybe my brother could get better if he could stay away from my mother, like entering a boarding school for children with ASD. But that is too expensive to afford, about ￡3,000 per month. Are there any befriending services in UK for people with ASD?

  • in reply to YAN

    I would encourage you to take the opportunities now to travel and work in other places because you may not be able to later, when you are the primary carer for your brother. 

    Pursuing your interests and relationships will help you to be stronger and more resilient, and less resentful later when you need to make decisions with your brother in mind. 

    But it is hard, especially when you wish things were different between your parents and brother. 

    Are there befriending services near where he lives? It could be that having a buddy helps his confidence. 

  • in reply to NAS80706

    Thank you for your response. Yeah, I still live at home but only for 3 months a year. I have a desire to escape from this family and this phenomenon. I wanna study abroad, work and live in other cities. But at the same time, I know that I love my brother and my parents. And I totally accept that I will be the future carer of my brother and take responsibility for his life after my parents pass away. It's quite contradictory right...

  • You aren't alone, but this site seems to be just for people who are autistic or who are raising an autistic person. I've yet to find much for family members, and I have been trying for weeks. 

    My brother is not autistic, but was special needs, and it dominated family life. I totally understand why online support would be helpful.  

    Are you still living at home?