Advice and support please

It seems to be a common thing for youngster to get worse as they start high school. It’s a big change. It’s a new place, bigger, noisier, and much harder to blend in, and there’s much more expect on finding friends and groups to be part of. It is truly overwhelming. 
it sounds like your daughter needs to find some ways to make life easier at school. Speaking with the SEN department is a good place to start if you haven’t already. 
When she gets in, it’s best to leave her to her own devices. She will probably want quiet time to recover and relax. Maybe she can dive into an interest of hers to help. 
The violence is likely meltdown behaviour. This in itself is exhausting. Once she finds what helps, how much downtime she needs, and things like that, they may lessen. Anything can set them off, and she probably doesn’t know what her triggers are yet.

Thank you for your reply. Reassured me that I’m not alone.

I try to leave her to her own devices but it’s as soon as she sees me she goes into another meltdown. I know this is her way of expressing what she feels unable to do during the day and she is exhausted but it is wearing on me and my other daughter. I feel like I’m doing something wrong.

I do allow her to go straight on her pc for half hour when returning home and play her games as this seems to relax her but then the anxiety builds at bedtime for the next day.

no she is unaware of her triggers.

I can sympathise too. School refusal is regular here too, sometimes we find out the reason and others put it down to anxiety or too much overload during the rest of the week at school. My son in year 9 is beginning to find his own ways of coping at times.

It is hard sometimes to feel you are not failing. The important thing is that you are there for her when she needs you. The hard thing with a teenager too is that they are trying to cope without parental help, but in the end can be grateful for support.

I presume school are aware of her difficulties. One thing that does help my son is an awareness by staff that he needs instructions broken down. Also I note that she has difficulty with friendships and wonder if lunchtimes are overwhelming and whether anything can be arranged in school that would help. 

I can sympathise too. School refusal is regular here too, sometimes we find out the reason and others put it down to anxiety or too much overload during the rest of the week at school. My son in year 9 is beginning to find his own ways of coping at times.

It is hard sometimes to feel you are not failing. The important thing is that you are there for her when she needs you. The hard thing with a teenager too is that they are trying to cope without parental help, but in the end can be grateful for support.

I presume school are aware of her difficulties. One thing that does help my son is an awareness by staff that he needs instructions broken down. Also I note that she has difficulty with friendships and wonder if lunchtimes are overwhelming and whether anything can be arranged in school that would help.