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Help.....confused

NAS80753

My 7 year old son was diagnosed 6 months ago with ASD and ADHD. I believed everything I was told and read about his meltdowns being out of his control and he's always so regretful after them. I've made so many changes to our home life and his school day but if anything the meltdowns are worse. Our one success is that he now gets ready for school without any meltdowns. We have agreed a reward for every morning he manages to do this and give loads of praise. I first saw this as really positive but now I'm wondering if he can control himself for this reward then how can his meltdowns be out of his control. What sparked my doubt was that he recently stopped a meltdown midway because a family friend appeared unexpectedly. These meltdowns are seriously affecting our home and happiness, my marriage and my daughter so I find myself really confused and angry at the thought this is avoidable. It's making it hard to buy in to all of the extra effort and exceptions my son "needs". Please help.....

  • An autistic child can also have tantrums. The big difference between a tantrum and a meltdown is that a tantrum can be stopped by the child getting whatever it is that he or she wants, an autistic meltdown tends not to be stopped or eased by this type of external intervention. As an autistic adult I can tell you that an autistic meltdown is not entered voluntarily, it is triggered by a total inability to cope with a situation, be it sensory or emotional.

  • Hi, I hope you are okay. I am new to this forum, and have just read your statement. Can I ask do you know what sets your son off to have a meltdown?  Could you give me some info as to his daily routine . Is he verbal ? 

  • in reply to Homebird

    Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. 

    I'm just exhausted from the meltdowns and feeling so out of my depth. He attacked his dad today when he took a knife off him that he was trying to hurt himself with. 

    He's just nothing like my beautiful sweet boy during a meltdown. I just want to help him but have no idea how.

    We're doing everything the psychologist says but nothing is working. 

    You're right that I need to adjust my expectations on what family life will look like. Guess I'm struggling with that.

    Again thanks for the insights.

  • In my experience meltdowns went through phases.

    If your 7 year old son is due to transition to year 3 soon, this was a difficult time for my son with the same diagnoses. School was a big trigger either in anticipation or following a difficult day there, as well as other transitions like bedtime. Even with a lot of transition work at school things didn't settle down until he actually started in year 3. With autism personally I can understand the anxiety about any pending event.

    Regarding stopping a meltdown when someone comes I believe it is related to the fact that mostly these events are kept for their safe places when the mask is removed. 

    Regarding your comment about your home and happiness. These are conditions that won't change so will affect your son for the rest of his life. He may learn strategies to manage them, but some things will always be difficult. The ideal for a parent would be to not have to manage this, but instead we have to come to the conclusion that life will not necessarily look like another family and instead we have to work out how we adjust to the best outcome within this situation.