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Autism- teenage and sexual/gender identity

NAS80619

My son is 11 and has been having a lot of chats about whether he is non binary, gay, bi, asexual...he suddenly told his friends in school ( I wouldn't say they really are his friends) that he is gay, but he didn't even know about the details of being gay at the time! I feel he is really vulnerable and opening himself up to things at such a young age when he doesn't even know fr sure himself!

Does anyone else have a child who is going through this or been through it? I know there is a significant link between ASC and these other things.

Parents

  • Tricky subject matter. He may actually be gay, or he might be something else….or he might just not realise where he is in the grand scale of things. I wouldn’t say 11 is too young to know, and I have close family members and others experiences to go by. However, you said he doesn’t even know that that entails….!

    I would keep the conversations going when he chooses to talk about it, otherwise just let it be. I know you are worried for him being vulnerable, but he has in his corner to watch out for him. He is actually just saying what he wants to say without defeat, which is actually quite positive. He will find out who cares and who doesn’t, which is also good for him going forward.

    Both my children happen to be gay. One is diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. I suspected when they were about 11, and they knew from about age 13. 
    The other I believe also has the same ASD/ADHD but doesn’t think they have any issues. They knew when they about 14. I knew when they they were 3!

    Where I’m concerned, I hardly find people attractive. Growing up I never had the pop star and actor crushes. I knew I like the look of some, but never went mad over them like my peers. I couldn’t understand the fuss. Into my early 20’s I thought something was wrong with me. I even questioned if I was gay, but I knew I wasn’t interested in women in any shape or form. I was straight, but had no real desire for a relationships. That being said, I have had relationships, and had been married for a long time. I was single for 4 years after my divorce (no chats, dates, nothing), and then I met my current ex, who I fell for instantly. We were together for 2.5 years, and we’re still best friends. For me, if it happens, it happens, but I don’t need to chase it, and do not miss being in a relationship.

    Regarding gender, I know I am a straight female, but honestly, I don’t see that, I just feel like me. A person. 

Reply

  • Tricky subject matter. He may actually be gay, or he might be something else….or he might just not realise where he is in the grand scale of things. I wouldn’t say 11 is too young to know, and I have close family members and others experiences to go by. However, you said he doesn’t even know that that entails….!

    I would keep the conversations going when he chooses to talk about it, otherwise just let it be. I know you are worried for him being vulnerable, but he has in his corner to watch out for him. He is actually just saying what he wants to say without defeat, which is actually quite positive. He will find out who cares and who doesn’t, which is also good for him going forward.

    Both my children happen to be gay. One is diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. I suspected when they were about 11, and they knew from about age 13. 
    The other I believe also has the same ASD/ADHD but doesn’t think they have any issues. They knew when they about 14. I knew when they they were 3!

    Where I’m concerned, I hardly find people attractive. Growing up I never had the pop star and actor crushes. I knew I like the look of some, but never went mad over them like my peers. I couldn’t understand the fuss. Into my early 20’s I thought something was wrong with me. I even questioned if I was gay, but I knew I wasn’t interested in women in any shape or form. I was straight, but had no real desire for a relationships. That being said, I have had relationships, and had been married for a long time. I was single for 4 years after my divorce (no chats, dates, nothing), and then I met my current ex, who I fell for instantly. We were together for 2.5 years, and we’re still best friends. For me, if it happens, it happens, but I don’t need to chase it, and do not miss being in a relationship.

    Regarding gender, I know I am a straight female, but honestly, I don’t see that, I just feel like me. A person. 

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