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Explaining parent has autism to child

NAS79899

Hi all,

Hoping for some advice. My wife has Aspergers and child NT. She feels very overwhelmed at times when he is asking for attention to the point where she screams for me to take him away from her. I try my best to read the signs, but also want to try and normalise things for my son. 

How and when is the right age to start to explain when and why mummy feels overwhelmed? 

I see lots of conversations the other way around but not much in this respect.

Finding it very hard and got upset this morning as he seemed so confused. He is 4. I understand that she feels overwhelmed but I also feel broken from constantly tiptoeing around trying for her not to feel overwhelmed. I then get told that I have never helped her and that she is disappointed in me. When she is frustrated she says very hurtful things and hard to just forget. 

Any advice would be much appreciated. 

Parents

  • At his age it will probably best to find a storybook like “My Mummy is Autistic” which was actually written by a 5 year old. There are also books about having autistic siblings which may also be useful. You might have to try and read a few to see what you think would be helpful. Have you looked online for age appropriate information videos as well that you can watch with him?

    with your wife have you told her how much she upsets you? Have you explained how you’re actually helping her? She might not have noticed that you are trying to help because she has different expectations about what she feels you need to do?

Reply

  • At his age it will probably best to find a storybook like “My Mummy is Autistic” which was actually written by a 5 year old. There are also books about having autistic siblings which may also be useful. You might have to try and read a few to see what you think would be helpful. Have you looked online for age appropriate information videos as well that you can watch with him?

    with your wife have you told her how much she upsets you? Have you explained how you’re actually helping her? She might not have noticed that you are trying to help because she has different expectations about what she feels you need to do?

Children
  • in reply to GuybrushThreepwood

    Thanks for your reply. I didn't know books like that existed and a good idea. I think she will be offended by it but will see if I can help her to understand how it will help us all.

    I have spoken to her many a time but genuinely think she doesn't care as its her that that is suffering the anxieties. 

    Her world is very black and white. I have either always helped her with everything or never have and how dare I say I have. On the other hand she has admitted saying things to be hurtful so very hard to know. 

    I think getting him to understand that there are triggers and for us to start to understand them together is the right way but please do correct me if I'm going about things wrong.

    Many thanks