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are the teenage years the worst

MaryR

Hi

My son is 13 and just diagnosed,with ASD been on anxiety and anti dpreseant meds for almost a year too.  Now in a special school. He is so up and down though its getting to me and I find myself wondering just how long he will have to live at home, will he ever be indpendant and not reliant on us. He is high functioning but has huge social difficulties,  I feel awkward when we are out and about as he appears so sullen and rude.  I find it really embarrassing.  He doesnt want to tell people he has ASD but I feel it would be much better if there was a sign on him which explained!

Sorry this is bit of a rant but needed to get it off my chest.  Anyone out there feel similar? I have two other children and feel I cant enjoy them as much as I should because always treading on eggshells around Joe!

Thanks for listening

Mary

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous

    I believe that when you choose to have children you accept them for what they are and that you look out for and after them for as long as you live - the responsibilities don't stop when they reach 18. My son is autistic - his behaviour is "challenging" at times. It is often embarrassing in that it is considered to be inappropiate. He is no "normal" 14 year old and I love and admire him all the more for it. For the way he deals with what his condition throws at him. For the way he deals with how "ordinary" people judge him. For his tenacity in carrying on when he feels suicidal, for his ability to live for tommorrow cos it might just be better and less painful. I love,admire and most of all respect him for the way he cares for me, for the way he is my voice of reason. See I am autistic too and I can come across as moody and sullen and differcult - we do not always outwardly reflect what and who we are. And the `bad stuff' can surface at odd times - if that makes sense. Yet my lad has the insight and intuition to see it and nearly accept as it is, same as I do. We may not be normal in any way but that surely does not make us so wrong? I need my space away from him as I need my space away from everything in order to process "stuff" in my own time. Never would I wish for time apart from himSmile

  • Thank you both for your comments I really appreciate that, it helps so much to know we are like so many other families and I am pleased that your son is doing better now.  Sometimes I just feel like running away from it all, other times he comes and snuggles up and gives me a hug and its ok again..sigh...

    I am hoping that once he is back at school next week and we have some space from him it will feel more bearable.  I am normally not like this but sometimes I just feel why me, why us and I suppose you guys all do too which does help although none of us would ever wish this on anyone else.

    However I feel a bit more positive about the future so thank you for your help.

    X

  •  Hi - at 13 I think it's a little bit early to say whether your son could live independently or not - plenty of time yet. Remember that there are many different types of independent supported living options.  For example, tenancies where tenants have 24 hr support, all the way through to tenancies where the support is much less.

     As your son is anxious + depressed then that will pervade all your lives.  Is there anything else, meds apart, that can be done to help with that?  How does he feel about his diagnosis, school, etc - it can be a lot to adjust to?  Most people haven't a clue about asd.  Most situations we're in don't lend themselves to a full explanation.  Some people aren't interested anyway.  Others are the opposite.  I wd try to concentrate on how his recent diagnosis may be affecting him.  There are books, probably on the home pg and via amazon that other posters have mentioned as being useful.  I hope things improve for all of you soon.