Daughter can speak but refuses

Hello, I was wondering is anyone was in the same boat and able to offer tips. My 3 year old daughter has a very wide range of words, much more than the average 3 year old and she can use them in play and singing and pointing out things such as animals and colour or what have you but she will not use them to communicate with us. She still won't say drink please, I'm thirsty/ hungry, I need a wee or even hello or good bye. The nursery have said about flash cards for her to show us what she wants but because she knows the words and can use them if made to I feel it won't help her to move forward. She has started on the odd occasion saying wee wee or thirsty so I want to try and carry on getting her to use them words but I don't know the best way to do this as don't want to stress her out by making her say them. Any advice would be great thank you

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  • With hindsight I know I had selective mutism as a child. For me it wasn’t a choice, just sometimes the words wouldn’t come out when I wanted them too. I have no recollection of it was caused by anxiety, but I guess it must have been in some way.

    Even if your daughter doesn’t have that, it could just be the Autism. I for one didn’t see the need to say hello and goodbye all the time. I used to get told off for it as a child by my father regularly. He saw it as rude. I just wasn’t aware when I walked into a room, or if someone comes in, I was expected to greet them. As a 49 year old, I do greet friends and family etc,  but I don’t always choose to do so out of the home. It depends how I feel at the time. Sometimes I walk into the office at work and greet people by their name, other times I just walk in, get what I need and leave.

    Also, she might not know she is hungry, thirsty or need a wee hence doesn’t say it. Some people don’t really register that, or don’t take notice of it, or don’t feel it with the same urgency as others. My daughter doesn’t register these things easily and she a,so gets distracted which makes her forget. She has ways to remind herself, but often doesn’t realise there’s a problem, like dehydration until she gets a headache for example. 

  • This is very interesting, thank you for sharing your experience. Do you think flash cards would help ? Or simple sign language? We at home understand what she wants and needs and it's easy for us to help her but I'm worried about her starting primary school next year and them not understanding her : ( 

  • Flash cards sound like the best option to me. I think the bring less pressure and anxiety as an interaction might.

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