Urgent help please!

Immediately contact your local child and family services through the local county council. Every county has this. It’s a different division than a child welfare concern. This is not social workers for concerns about abuse or neglect it is workers who will help you to navigate the services and coordinate medical, school professionals, whomever is appropriate to be involved.
     Councils have prevention/intervention workers who can help you navigate services. Ask for help  with: 

- the school so the child does not get excluded (legally he should not be excluded because he obviously has special-needs); however these needs must be documented   See next item   

- request of the school ASSESSMENT FOR ADDITIONAL NEEDS, towards eventually obtaining a formal additional needs education plan (Which is meant to be based on needs even without a diagnosis, though most schools will push hard for a diagnosis to know what their needs they are serving); ON THE NEXT SCHOOL DAY IMMEDIATELY ASK FOR A FORM FOR THIS REQUEST AND PUT IN WRITING. DO NOT LEAVE UNTIL YOU OBTAIN THIS.  COMPLETE IT. KEEP A COPY. GIVE IT TO A PERSON AT SCHOOL (unless online documentation) and GET FULL NAME OF PERSON YOU HAND IT TO OR EVEN HAVE THEM SEND YOU AN EMAIL (WHILE YOU STAND THERE AND WAIT) to say you have submitted the form and they have received it. DO NOT ONLY ASK VERBALLY.  A FORM IS REQUIRED AS IT STARTS A TIME CLOCK FOR THE SCHOOL STAFF TO CONSIDER FORMAL ASSESSMENT   

- the school Is essentially saying they cannot cope with him when they call you multiple times and ask you to collect him.  THIS IS EVIDENCE THERE ARE EXTRA NEEDS  

Re. The writer who gave you feedback who said you could turn your phone off and let them try to cope with him for more or ALL of the day: you may may have to play hard ball by.following this suggestion.  It is certainly the hard approach. Alternatively, ask to speak URGENTLY (ie, within 24 hours/1 business day) to the special educational needs coordinator (“SEN-Co”). Every school has one. This person will have an extremely heavy caseload and be overworked so take this into consideration but come to an agreement that the school is struggling to serve your child and that you need help working together collaboratively and ask for advice. I suggest you do this urgently. 

- advocacy and help in taking him back to the paediatrics department (the response from the hospital is clearly insufficient) for a second opinion,; etc. 

With respect, I encourage you to work together with your spouse and try to take a step back and be committed to working as a team. Your approaches may be different but your goals are probably similar which include helping all three of your children and keeping your family intact in a safe and healthy fashion.  
   Again, with respect, if your child has autism, it’s likely that you or your spouse may have some degree of this and working together a an autistic and they Neurotypical spells takes special effort as well.

Again, with respect, if your child has autism, it’s likely that you or your spouse may have some degree of autism. To work together as an autistic and a neurotypical spouse takes special effort as well — lots of love, respect for differences, truly valuing the strengths of the other, looking at the “log in one’s own eye”, forgiveness and believing the best about the other above accusations, etc.  Finally, as my husband who id previously divorced and autistic says, divorce didn’t solve any of [their] problems. It just complicated things further and we still have to work together as co-parents of the child [children in your case]. It just added isolation, financial strain which affects each family member, emotional pain.  

Immediately contact your local child and family services through the local county council. Every county has this. It’s a different division than a child welfare concern. This is not social workers for concerns about abuse or neglect it is workers who will help you to navigate the services and coordinate medical, school professionals, whomever is appropriate to be involved.
     Councils have prevention/intervention workers who can help you navigate services. Ask for help  with: 

- the school so the child does not get excluded (legally he should not be excluded because he obviously has special-needs); however these needs must be documented   See next item   

- request of the school ASSESSMENT FOR ADDITIONAL NEEDS, towards eventually obtaining a formal additional needs education plan (Which is meant to be based on needs even without a diagnosis, though most schools will push hard for a diagnosis to know what their needs they are serving); ON THE NEXT SCHOOL DAY IMMEDIATELY ASK FOR A FORM FOR THIS REQUEST AND PUT IN WRITING. DO NOT LEAVE UNTIL YOU OBTAIN THIS.  COMPLETE IT. KEEP A COPY. GIVE IT TO A PERSON AT SCHOOL (unless online documentation) and GET FULL NAME OF PERSON YOU HAND IT TO OR EVEN HAVE THEM SEND YOU AN EMAIL (WHILE YOU STAND THERE AND WAIT) to say you have submitted the form and they have received it. DO NOT ONLY ASK VERBALLY.  A FORM IS REQUIRED AS IT STARTS A TIME CLOCK FOR THE SCHOOL STAFF TO CONSIDER FORMAL ASSESSMENT   

- the school Is essentially saying they cannot cope with him when they call you multiple times and ask you to collect him.  THIS IS EVIDENCE THERE ARE EXTRA NEEDS  

Re. The writer who gave you feedback who said you could turn your phone off and let them try to cope with him for more or ALL of the day: you may may have to play hard ball by.following this suggestion.  It is certainly the hard approach. Alternatively, ask to speak URGENTLY (ie, within 24 hours/1 business day) to the special educational needs coordinator (“SEN-Co”). Every school has one. This person will have an extremely heavy caseload and be overworked so take this into consideration but come to an agreement that the school is struggling to serve your child and that you need help working together collaboratively and ask for advice. I suggest you do this urgently. 

- advocacy and help in taking him back to the paediatrics department (the response from the hospital is clearly insufficient) for a second opinion,; etc. 

With respect, I encourage you to work together with your spouse and try to take a step back and be committed to working as a team. Your approaches may be different but your goals are probably similar which include helping all three of your children and keeping your family intact in a safe and healthy fashion.  
   Again, with respect, if your child has autism, it’s likely that you or your spouse may have some degree of this and working together a an autistic and they Neurotypical spells takes special effort as well.

Again, with respect, if your child has autism, it’s likely that you or your spouse may have some degree of autism. To work together as an autistic and a neurotypical spouse takes special effort as well — lots of love, respect for differences, truly valuing the strengths of the other, looking at the “log in one’s own eye”, forgiveness and believing the best about the other above accusations, etc.  Finally, as my husband who id previously divorced and autistic says, divorce didn’t solve any of [their] problems. It just complicated things further and we still have to work together as co-parents of the child [children in your case]. It just added isolation, financial strain which affects each family member, emotional pain.