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Explaining Autism to your child

NAS79621

My son is 8 years old very literal and a big worrier (high anixety ) 

I want to tell him he is autistic but don't know how to approach it and don't want him feeling different or worried etc any advice ?

My son also hates school,  says he hates the teacher , she's always shouting ,telling him  to do stuff etc  .every morning is a drama about going and again in the evenings . Any advice ? 

Thanks x

Parents

  • Yes he was diagnosed ASD  summer 2021 after a long wait etc .

    It's not a case of wasting to say your autistic I've never wanted to tell him as I don't want him to feel different or ask me lots of questions I don't have the answer too . 

    But the more I speak to other professionals they say it may help him etc I just don't know how to approach it with him.  

  • in reply to NAS79621

    I think the professionals might have a point. You say your son is a worrier? Me too. One way I try to manage worry is by information. The more you know about something the more you feel you can plan for it. So I suggest you ready yourself for that barrage of questions. In fact lets make a list of those questions he's likely to ask.

    • What is autism?
    • How do you know he has autism?
    • Does that mean there are things he can't do?
    • Will he get special treatment because of having autism? Will the treatment be better or worse treatment?
    • Why does he have autism?
    • Can autism be cured?
    • Does everyone have to know he has autism?

    You can't stop these questions and dodging them would be a bad idea. Referring him to books might be helpful but initially he's going to want answers from the horses mouth, from you. So prepare answers before hand.

Reply
  • in reply to NAS79621

    I think the professionals might have a point. You say your son is a worrier? Me too. One way I try to manage worry is by information. The more you know about something the more you feel you can plan for it. So I suggest you ready yourself for that barrage of questions. In fact lets make a list of those questions he's likely to ask.

    • What is autism?
    • How do you know he has autism?
    • Does that mean there are things he can't do?
    • Will he get special treatment because of having autism? Will the treatment be better or worse treatment?
    • Why does he have autism?
    • Can autism be cured?
    • Does everyone have to know he has autism?

    You can't stop these questions and dodging them would be a bad idea. Referring him to books might be helpful but initially he's going to want answers from the horses mouth, from you. So prepare answers before hand.

Children
  • in reply to NAS79621

    Ok lets go through the questions one by one.

    Peter said:
    What is autism?

    A naturally occurring variation in the way his brain is put together that makes his brain work differently from most people.

    Peter said:
    How do you know he has autism?

    You had him tested, (refer to the visits with doctors)

    Peter said:
    Does that mean there are things he can't do?

    No but there may be some things that are harder for him to do like:

    • Read between the lines in social situations.
    • Understand subtext and body language.
    • Pick out voices talking over each other.
    • Predict what people are thinking.

    This can make making friends and getting along with other people harder but it doesn't mean he can't do those things especially with hard work and good support. Also there may be things that his autism makes it easier for him to do than most people.

    Peter said:
    Will he get special treatment because of having autism? Will the treatment be better or worse treatment?

    In theory it should be better treatment, there are even laws to try and make sure he gets better treatment not worse but in practice people are some times ignorant and may try and treat him less well be cause of autism. Thats why it's important he remembers he doesn't have to accept being treated badly because of his autism and that he has lots of people on his side to deal with any ignorant people.

    Peter said:
    Why does he have autism?

    Probably because he inherited a combination of genes from his mother and farther that in combination have made him autistic.

    Peter said:
    Can autism be cured?

    No. But since autism probably colours the way he sees and experiences the world would he want it to be? What he can do is develop coping strategies and support structures to help him cope with things his autism makes difficult.

    Peter said:
    Does everyone have to know he has autism?

    No. His autism isn't something he has to spread around if he doesn't want to. His teachers know (I'm assuming they already do) but there's no reason the other children in school need to know if he doesn't want them to. And as he grows up he can choose not to tell people about his autism.

  • in reply to NAS79621

    Hello, in terms of explaining what being autistic means to your son these videos might be useful. They are very child friendly and hopefully won’t trigger your son’s anxiety as they explain autistic experience in a very simplistic and relatable way:

    https://youtu.be/Ezv85LMFx2E

    https://youtu.be/RBkiIHWybV4

    I hope these videos are helpful for you and your son.

  • in reply to Peter

    Yes I'm aware of all the questions he will ask and that's what I'm looking for advice on just a basic explanation of autism to help an 8 year old understand and then with the questions he may ask .

    Thanks