My son is 8 years old very literal and a big worrier (high anixety )
I want to tell him he is autistic but don't know how to approach it and don't want him feeling different or worried etc any advice ?
My son also hates school, says he hates the teacher , she's always shouting ,telling him to do stuff etc .every morning is a drama about going and again in the evenings . Any advice ?
Thanks x
Just noticed a typo in the above - I meant to say “things they really LOVE” - not ‘live’.
We had already realised my son was autistic quite a while before he got the diagnosis. This meant that way before he had the diagnosis I was casually scattering positive messages about autism into conversations for AGES. I’m an artist and several times (and I realise this might sound slightly silly) I’d say that “being autistic is a bit like being artistic - it’s someone who has certain things that they really live or that they’re really good at….” etc etc etc. My son was very young obviously and I tried to make this link between being artistic (which he had loads of positive associations with) and being autistic. I know it sounds quite basic in some ways but I think it genuinely helped. I also made sure to talk about famous autistic people like Tim Burton (who we really like in our family) and Albert Einstein - basically anyone with a positive image for him.
So I sort of slowly and gradually kept dropping these positive associations into conversations.
And then as we got closer to discussing it with school and having appointments etc we talked about it in a more straightforward way that related to his own life and experience, and what that felt like and meant for him.
By the time he got the diagnosis he was actually totally cool with it.
I think the key thing is to take it slow and gentle - and make sure you make as many positive associations as you can. What matters is that he knows that you 100% are positive about EVERYTHING about him - including him being autistic. Complete unconditional love and acceptance of the wonderful person that he is.
Ok lets go through the questions one by one.
What is autism?
A naturally occurring variation in the way his brain is put together that makes his brain work differently from most people.
How do you know he has autism?
You had him tested, (refer to the visits with doctors)
Does that mean there are things he can't do?
No but there may be some things that are harder for him to do like:
This can make making friends and getting along with other people harder but it doesn't mean he can't do those things especially with hard work and good support. Also there may be things that his autism makes it easier for him to do than most people.
Will he get special treatment because of having autism? Will the treatment be better or worse treatment?
In theory it should be better treatment, there are even laws to try and make sure he gets better treatment not worse but in practice people are some times ignorant and may try and treat him less well be cause of autism. Thats why it's important he remembers he doesn't have to accept being treated badly because of his autism and that he has lots of people on his side to deal with any ignorant people.
Why does he have autism?
Probably because he inherited a combination of genes from his mother and farther that in combination have made him autistic.
Can autism be cured?
No. But since autism probably colours the way he sees and experiences the world would he want it to be? What he can do is develop coping strategies and support structures to help him cope with things his autism makes difficult.
Does everyone have to know he has autism?
No. His autism isn't something he has to spread around if he doesn't want to. His teachers know (I'm assuming they already do) but there's no reason the other children in school need to know if he doesn't want them to. And as he grows up he can choose not to tell people about his autism.
Hello I have just thought of another video that might be useful.
Hello, i have a 8 year old too, she doesn't know she has autism, but is aware shes different, so i tell her 'everyones brain is different,and we all are good at different things,but your brain just works in a different way'...She is happy with just that, and i dont want to overwhelm her. Maybe you could try the same approach? and if he has more questions you could answer them, along the same lines,with that no ones the exactly the same, without making him feel too different.
Does he have a school Senco? they should help with management of school environment,my daughter has a toy that she takes to and from school,which helps to get her to go in,as the toy belongs to the school. My daughter has meltdowns before and after school too,as changes in environments set them off.
Hello, in terms of explaining what being autistic means to your son these videos might be useful. They are very child friendly and hopefully won’t trigger your son’s anxiety as they explain autistic experience in a very simplistic and relatable way:
https://youtu.be/Ezv85LMFx2E
https://youtu.be/RBkiIHWybV4
I hope these videos are helpful for you and your son.
I think the professionals might have a point. You say your son is a worrier? Me too. One way I try to manage worry is by information. The more you know about something the more you feel you can plan for it. So I suggest you ready yourself for that barrage of questions. In fact lets make a list of those questions he's likely to ask.
You can't stop these questions and dodging them would be a bad idea. Referring him to books might be helpful but initially he's going to want answers from the horses mouth, from you. So prepare answers before hand.
Yes he was diagnosed ASD summer 2021 after a long wait etc .
It's not a case of wasting to say your autistic I've never wanted to tell him as I don't want him to feel different or ask me lots of questions I don't have the answer too .
But the more I speak to other professionals they say it may help him etc I just don't know how to approach it with him.
