• Replies 15 replies
  • Subscribers 69 subscribers
  • Views 2616 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Adult son with anxiety - how best to support him

ChrisP

Some advice please. Not sure where to start as I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed myself. My 23 year old ASD son is struggling with  anxiety and other mental health issues. He has done for several years and has been in much more difficult places than he is now. He is not working but is volunteering for a local IT charity. He is getting support to help him find paid work (he is a graduate with a good degree) and has been having counselling with an NHS psychologist. This seems to have been helping him to the point that he has got back in touch with friends (albeit on line) for the first time in a year. Just recently he literally woke up one morning and his anxiety was back. His on line socialising seems to tire out his social tolerance so that he has no energy for anything else. Add in to that mix is a spouse who doesn't 'get'' the fact that our son can go from being able to help with stuff outside and communicate with us to not being able to even though he is socialising on line. he feels that our son should "get a grip and get on with it, and stop hiding from the world" which gets our son angry and is counterproductive.

Our son feels he is having pressure put on him to engage with the neurotypical world and get on with life even though he finds that a bit scary. i'm left trying to explain to my spouse how our son feels and what is going on because he doesn't 'get' it and also being sympathetic to my son and letting him know that I support him. Add into that an unwillingness of our son to discuss how he feels and makes it clear he doesn't want to be disturbed when he is on line ( for many hours at a time). In a way he is hiding from the world, is ambivalent about finding paid work and has a very comfy life living at home. 

I guess - help!!!! Howe do other cope. What can I do to help my son? Is it unreasonable to try and help him move forward with his life - he doesn't seem to want to yet he is very capable intellectually. Struggling to see a way forward.

Parents

  • Hi There

    i have Autism and I’m not going you any advise but I would like to share with you a video I shared with my partner who didn’t get me in the outside (sometimes inside ) world. 
    tell your partner to put head phones on and watch (listen) to the video link. This is noise along with the stress’s of how family and people are reacting to what we look like in theses moments, the endless ness of feeling lost because you just want to be safe somewhere. I believe how ever functioning people are, feel this … it’s just one aspect, but I believe the biggest trigger. I hope this helps your partner understand 

    https://youtu.be/ECU8y5i7osY

    please please listen to ALL of it with head phones on… as this is how it feels mostly with variable volume, but we can’t these ‘headphones’ off or turn off the video… we have to try to keep going.. because it’s expected that we continue on with what ever is being done at that time.

    I hope this helps

    Lois

  • in reply to Lois

    The wish and need to feel ‘safe’ has totally dominated my life. I’ve done everything I can to try to feel safe - and most of the time I have failed to achieve this. It’s especially bad at the moment - the pandemic and the state of the world has made my (and my son’s) anxiety much worse.

    it’s only natural that autistic people’s need to feel safe means that they sometimes withdraw from the world In various ways. No one should blame them for that. 

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    No they shouldn’t. I’m sorry it’s this way for

    you. Xxxx

  • in reply to Lois

    Thank you Lois - I hugely appreciate that. I’m here for you too. x 

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel
    1. Xxxx I’m here for a chat if you need one xx
  • in reply to Lois

    I love what you’ve written here - you’re so right. I’m going to read this to my son too as I’m sure he will like it too. Thank you :) 

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    Xx

    i have to add that you can’t change how people think or be perceived as judging you,

    sometimes we weigh ourselves down with what others think too much. I know I do, more so when I’m out and anxious, but I have come to conclusion that I am who I am, I change some not all of my behaviors so people don’t have to think about me and what I’m doing,

    an excited hummmm at a beautiful cloud or the bluest sky, being made inert at the glance of an impatient old lady waiting for me to move from the lemons while I am deep in though about wether to scan or weigh!!
    At they end of the day I believe they have the problem by not coexisting with there fellow people.

    Be gentle with yourself, step away from the feelings and be kind to the self, look after it. We can help peoples opinions just as much as we can’t help them in changing our self’s to help there confusion! 

    be you xx

Reply
  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    Xx

    i have to add that you can’t change how people think or be perceived as judging you,

    sometimes we weigh ourselves down with what others think too much. I know I do, more so when I’m out and anxious, but I have come to conclusion that I am who I am, I change some not all of my behaviors so people don’t have to think about me and what I’m doing,

    an excited hummmm at a beautiful cloud or the bluest sky, being made inert at the glance of an impatient old lady waiting for me to move from the lemons while I am deep in though about wether to scan or weigh!!
    At they end of the day I believe they have the problem by not coexisting with there fellow people.

    Be gentle with yourself, step away from the feelings and be kind to the self, look after it. We can help peoples opinions just as much as we can’t help them in changing our self’s to help there confusion! 

    be you xx

Children