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Supporting my 13 yo son with growing up

Amy S

Hi I'd love some advice from some parents of teens with autism but also any teens with autism would be fab to hear your opinion too! 

I have a 13 year old son with autism. He has started asked about being allowed to chat to friends on on-line services and asked for a phone for his birthday. He's a good lad, but is easily influenced by others. He also takes others words to heart. He has been bullied so much at school and I'm worried about him being bullied online too. In my opinion, 13 is too young for a phone unless you need it for going out or travelling to or from school (he gets picked up by mini bus), but that's just me! 

Can I get some opinions/advice. Am I being too "strict" or harsh on him? Raising a teen with autism is hard! 

Parents

  • With my son, I encouraged him to always stay connected. When he was around that age I started reinforcing that if he ever wanted to try anything, do it at home in case it went wrong so I could take him to the hospital. I encouraged open discussions about everything. Nothing was taboo. I made it clear anything would be available and I also didn't want to go to jail or have him end up dead. We talked about sex - about young females who might allow themselves to get knocked up just to lock down a man. I was always available for any conversation. "You can try anything, and sometimes you may be given dangerous chemicals instead of the cool drug, so just make sure I'm around". Needless to say, he was never really interested. The first time he tried tobacco, was with me around 16 he's not bothered with it since. We tried CDB and THC for anxiety in a legal place, he didn't like that either. We watched Ab Fab and other older shows and I think he thinks all these things are for chavs or old people haha.

    When he first had a phone I sent him a 'Friend Finder'. My father has mine, We just sort of exchange these things as if it's normal, because it is. I've worked hard to establish Trust and help him feel Respected and have always tried to find a middle ground between being mum, a wise elder magical sage and allowing him to feel like an independent strong amazing man. So cute. :)

    There are locks you can put on phones and you can help them create profiles and such. I would be involved as much as possible. Make a night of it. One needs to be aware of the world and find their own opinions about it, discover their ideals and decide how they want to relate. I think if you encourage open thought and critical reasoning and also good principles, all these other things will be nebulous. Better help him learn to navigate. It's like drinking. They'll eventually imbibe, so better to teach them while young how to drink: don't mix, stay hydrated, eat something, craft their palette for single malt and they might not be able to drink for 'fun'. LOL

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  • With my son, I encouraged him to always stay connected. When he was around that age I started reinforcing that if he ever wanted to try anything, do it at home in case it went wrong so I could take him to the hospital. I encouraged open discussions about everything. Nothing was taboo. I made it clear anything would be available and I also didn't want to go to jail or have him end up dead. We talked about sex - about young females who might allow themselves to get knocked up just to lock down a man. I was always available for any conversation. "You can try anything, and sometimes you may be given dangerous chemicals instead of the cool drug, so just make sure I'm around". Needless to say, he was never really interested. The first time he tried tobacco, was with me around 16 he's not bothered with it since. We tried CDB and THC for anxiety in a legal place, he didn't like that either. We watched Ab Fab and other older shows and I think he thinks all these things are for chavs or old people haha.

    When he first had a phone I sent him a 'Friend Finder'. My father has mine, We just sort of exchange these things as if it's normal, because it is. I've worked hard to establish Trust and help him feel Respected and have always tried to find a middle ground between being mum, a wise elder magical sage and allowing him to feel like an independent strong amazing man. So cute. :)

    There are locks you can put on phones and you can help them create profiles and such. I would be involved as much as possible. Make a night of it. One needs to be aware of the world and find their own opinions about it, discover their ideals and decide how they want to relate. I think if you encourage open thought and critical reasoning and also good principles, all these other things will be nebulous. Better help him learn to navigate. It's like drinking. They'll eventually imbibe, so better to teach them while young how to drink: don't mix, stay hydrated, eat something, craft their palette for single malt and they might not be able to drink for 'fun'. LOL

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