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Supporting my 13 yo son with growing up

Amy S

Hi I'd love some advice from some parents of teens with autism but also any teens with autism would be fab to hear your opinion too! 

I have a 13 year old son with autism. He has started asked about being allowed to chat to friends on on-line services and asked for a phone for his birthday. He's a good lad, but is easily influenced by others. He also takes others words to heart. He has been bullied so much at school and I'm worried about him being bullied online too. In my opinion, 13 is too young for a phone unless you need it for going out or travelling to or from school (he gets picked up by mini bus), but that's just me! 

Can I get some opinions/advice. Am I being too "strict" or harsh on him? Raising a teen with autism is hard! 

Parents

  • I'd give him the phone, precisely because now is the time he needs to get comfortable with 'going out,' traveling with out you, seeing friends when you're not near. The phone / social media will help with that. He's a teenager he's going to get bullied. The only way to avoid that is wrap him in cotton wool and keep him locked in a tower. The question is not can you stop him being bullied but if it happens can you find out about and intervene quickly.

    I suggest ground rules. Maybe he has to add you as a contact on any social media service so you can see anything publicly posted on his profile. Or maybe just an agreement that if anyone bullies him online he has to tell you. other wise you'll take the phone away.

    You may want to be careful of the settings on the phone so he can't make lots of in app purchases with your card or rack up huge phone bills on a phone contract.

  • in reply to Peter

    teenageres don't orgonise their social lives like play dates. They won't give him a day or twos notice so you can clear time in your diary to give him a lift to / from his friends house or the local cafe / skate part etc. He needs to be able to get a message and in a few hours notice hop on a bus. He'll need a phone  to develop that confidence and social media to get those sorts of invitations.

  • in reply to Peter

    When I was a kid I was like 17 ish before I felt confident getting around my city on a bus. My friends lived in the city near by. They would do things like cancel plans made the day before then make new plans for the same day and not tell me, knowing I'd find it hard to get there on my own at the last minuet. His social life can't wait till you have time to be mums taxi service.

    It would have been so much easier for me back then with a smart phone. A smart phone can call your mum if you get stuck in some place you don't recognise or have a panic attack in a crowded place. A smart phone can plan your journey for you and tell you which bus / train to catch. With a smart phone your friends have no excuse for forgetting to invite you. If they don't ask you to come you can be more or less sure they didn't want you there. If plans change last minuet with a smart phone you know and can relay the change of time / place to 'mums taxi' (TM).

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  • in reply to Peter

    When I was a kid I was like 17 ish before I felt confident getting around my city on a bus. My friends lived in the city near by. They would do things like cancel plans made the day before then make new plans for the same day and not tell me, knowing I'd find it hard to get there on my own at the last minuet. His social life can't wait till you have time to be mums taxi service.

    It would have been so much easier for me back then with a smart phone. A smart phone can call your mum if you get stuck in some place you don't recognise or have a panic attack in a crowded place. A smart phone can plan your journey for you and tell you which bus / train to catch. With a smart phone your friends have no excuse for forgetting to invite you. If they don't ask you to come you can be more or less sure they didn't want you there. If plans change last minuet with a smart phone you know and can relay the change of time / place to 'mums taxi' (TM).

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