Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all..... for the last 3yrs our daughter has really struggled with their mental health and anxiety. The transition to high school really catapulted the anxiety and depression along with the pandemic. Unfortunately, we struggled to get the services we needed until she took an overdose last August.
At a general hospital she was assessed as Tier 4 (which she was admitted to psch ward for her own safety). I have continuously fought for ASD and ADHD diagnosis. four months of fighting, through many meetings, we finally got assessments and the psychologist at the time diagnosed ASD and ADHD. We understood the difficulties in diagnosing her beforehand, as our child is a 'master at masking.' However, we now understand that the masking became overwhelming itself and our child struggled to fit in. Therefore, she thought that we would all be better off without her.
9 months down the line and she is still an in patient on a psychic ward 3.5hrs drive away from her home, we now have a new psychologist who has blasted in with doubt. This is deflating, de-spiriting for all of us. she makes my child attend group therapy (which my child feels overwhelmed by) which leads to head banging for up to 45 mins. My child gets their phone taken away if they do not attend therapy groups (which is our only line of communication / contact).
The psychiatrist wrote a supporting letter to the ECHP assessment co-ordinator stating that our daughter would not thrive in mainstream and would find it more than overwhelming and the very thought of it puts unnecessary panic. The primary need has been recognised as SEMH (social, emotional mental health) support. However, this week he returns back from holiday to do a complete u-turn and suggests our child tries their old school for an hour. We believe this to be because EHCP in our area (Norfolk) are taking 40wks to complete instead of 20wks.
Needless to say, we are not encouraged by the disregard to our daughters ASD difficulties and clearly feel the evidence questions whether 'responsible adjustments' are being made and our child's needs, or are even being listen to. We feel that we are trapped in a conveyor belt system and cost is literally being put before our child's ASD and co-occuring Depression and anxiety.
This has put our child backwards and she feels there is no point anymore.
We are considering pulling her off roll at the local high school so this stops the option. There is also a police investigation into to pupils that have sent my daughter direct voice messages telling her to 'f**king kill herself' "hope your having a nice f**king time on the pyschic ward" it comes under malicious communication. Why an earth would we put our daughter in a school where pupils have done this to her? This is not a positive environment for her.
Any advice would be greatly received
I'm not from UK originally, but some things that I have read about schools in very busy towns are not heartwarming. Well, I had exactly the same issue with other pupils at school and after visiting school with special needs, that was run like a psychiatric ward, I was spared and we decided to try continuing to go to the same school. After a year I changed it to different and had to go, because of highschool - I applied and was accepted to a better highschool because I had good performance in exams - my old school did not even gave me chance to do those exams... well, it was better for me, as my new highschool was much better in terms of attitude among pupils and from teachers as well.
Have you thought maybe sending her to school abroad. I remember reading about some girl from US in highschool in my country - she lost her obese overweight and looked slim as others in school. Though, even in my terrible school people were mean to others that were obese, but they clearly spared that abuse to pupils who were from foreign countries. She had to learn nonEnglish language, but she could speak it clearly.
From my experience - environment has a great impact and changing it can help. And I mean by that - psych ward is clearly not the change I would want to experience, as that would leave memories that will resurface later in life.
Anyway, my sister around 14 was away in school that was for pupils, that were training in sport and it was far away from home and that was much better compared to constant quarrels at home. 14-16 is very difficult age for teenagers with hormones raging and it is a question where to put that energy and dealing with kids who are morons is not really productive.
Hi, I'm so sorry your daughter and family have to go through this. It sounds like the team on the psychiatric ward have very little understanding of autism- it is shocking that they are forcing her into group therapy when this is clearly having a very negative impact. Even worse, that they are then punishing her for showing self-care/ doing what is right for her which is to not attend group therapy. In fact, it sounds like a bit more withdrawal from social situations and situations that overwhelm her is probably exactly what she needs at this moment. Masking for years can be so exhausting and we need time to recuperate from situations which are overwhelming. I don't know about the UK but I do know from personal experience in Germany that it is not the norm to force autistic patients to attend group therapy.
Like you say, sending her back to that school sounds like a very bad idea. It is sad that the other pupils are being so cruel and hard to understand why they are recommending that she return there.
I mainly wanted to express my support. Can you find a professional who understands autism who can advocate on your daughter's behalf? I am not sure how you can best find someone like that (I only very recently realised I am autistic and I am now no longer in the UK)- the only service/ place I can think of that might be worth phoning is Sara from Shropshire Autonomy- Autonomy Plus - Home (shropshireautonomy.co.uk). I was recommended to contact her recently and I spoke to her on phone once (she was very friendly and helpful and is autistic herself) - not sure if she is the right person, but she seemed friendly and I reached her almost immediately so she might be able to point you to someone that can help.
Sorry that I can't be of more help. I am sending your daughter and you lots of strength- I really hope you manage to get her the right kind of support.
Wow. This is just heart breaking!
I would find a solicitor to document the double-binds and lack of integrity on behalf of the practitioner. It's clear they don't understand basic humane elements of autism so it's surprising they're in that position. I would find an Autistic psychologist/therapist immediately. I would not allow her to go to that school. Collect the police reports and stay connected to an officer who you feel understands the case.
Autistic humans can thrive and become successful in ethical environments. When humans are respectful, responsible and understanding. These ideals might not exist everywhere, we all have a right to safety and being treated with dignity. We mature slower and different. We (Autists) need a grounded understanding of problems within sociology and society. We need to understand the difference between sociopathic behaviour and a lack of education. We can sense systems of exchange between humans and not understand what we're picking up, not just for a lack of language but also not having a asymmetrically wired brain, hyper-focused on semiotics and linguistics. We are more analytical and automatically making connexions - and we are better grounded and at ease with congruity and continuity, but this means when we are repeatedly told a thing, not subliminally but direct, we may do everything we can to align with that.
It might be important to help her focus for now on being loved. One of my favourite quotes by a psychoanalyst / philosopher duo is to make sure to "Stop the madness from becoming a mental illness". She is not ill. Society is. It is chaotic and mad. Becoming a being who is loved is the best solution to eventually (maybe toward 30) have learned how to put up proper boundaries and over come it.