Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, my 9 Yr old daughter has been diagnosed with High Functioning autism after a 3 year battle to get help and assessment. She has daily violent outbursts, mainly if she cant get her own way, or if she's being chastised for something or if something doesn't go right. She also won't follow any rule or boundary despite us putting endless amounts strategies in place over the years. She torments 4 year old brother daily. My worry is how she will be when she hits her teens and also that my son is starting to copy some of her behaviours.
I am wondering if anyone else's child has outbursts mainly when they dont get their own way or when they are being told off?
She is also is verbally abusive to me and her father regularly when in 'the anger zone' prior to an outburst, she is always hyper and on the go. She attentions seeks from peers and family. She prefers 1 to 1 friendships..
I feel both my children's and my families and mine and my husbands lives are ruined due to constant battles and daily struggles.
Any advice or anyone in the same position I would love to hear from you,
Thanks for reading,
Suzi x
Hello, I am sorry to hear that your daughter is so distressed and that you are struggling. Meltdowns are a stress response that is entirely involuntary as it is nervous system based. They are usually due to an unmet need. If she is having daily meltdowns, she is obviously under too much stress/too many demands. Meltdowns are not a part of being autistic, they are a natural response to excessive stress that is usually cumulative. This level of stress is not healthy for anyone regardless of neurotype. This equation might be useful:
Autism + Environment = Outcome
Is her environment as low arousal as possible? Changing the environment to suit autistic neurology can make a huge difference.
Does she attend school? Is she demand avoidant?
A lot of autistic experience intense anxiety daily so even though the cause of the meltdown may seem like it is caused by the reasons you state below, there are probably other underlying factors that she may not be able to articulate.
Suzi said:. She has daily violent outbursts, mainly if she cant get her own way, or if she's being chastised for something or if something doesn't go right
This article might be helpful:
https://autistic-village.com/2021/07/22/dino-brain-large-and-in-charge-overloads-overwhelms-and-meltdowns/
This book may help:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Avoiding-Anxiety-Autistic-Children-Wellbeing/dp/1529394767/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=17GE83664OX36&keywords=avoiding+anxiety+in+autistic+children&qid=1652636205&sprefix=avoi%2Caps%2C94&sr=8-1
I hope this helps and that your autistic daughter feels less distressed soon.
Thank you so much for your message