Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, my daughter is 14 and had her assessment in February with Paeds. He said she had all traits of ASD apart from she has good eye to eye contact and advance in using hands when talking. He said she needed to see psychologist before a formal diagnosis could be given and it’s a 6 month waiting list, but referred me to this website for help in meantime.
I’d always had my worries as she’s grown up, but when she hit puberty 2 years ago it all came to the surface, I presume due to hormonal changes.
so far we seem to be handling things well, her eating atm though is driving me mad and I could do with some advice if possible please?
she’s always been a picky eater and preferred beige foods like chicken nuggets no chips etc… however as she’s gotten older and teenager she hardly likes anything which is causing a lot of problems at home. One min she likes something like mozzarella cheese toastie and 2 days later or a week later she’s gone off of it, I literally cannot keep up.
anyway it all came to a head tonight when I tried speaking to her about it as didn’t know what to make her for dinner and she got abit mean and said she likes food in restaurants because a chef cooks it and I can’t cook anything nice and clearly don’t know how to use an oven…when I told her I was upset by wht she’d said she just said “sometimes the truth hurts mum”.
I have absolutely no idea what to do regarding her eating as even he doesn’t know what she wants to eat at home, the worst part is I’m not a bad cook at all, but I’m definitely not a trained chef and her will be.
The way she s;oke to me wasn’t acceptable whatsoever and I tried to talk to her to explain why, but he said she didn’t understand what she had done so wrong and was just being truthful…how do I get her to understand???
she hasn’t been formally diagnosed yet and sometimes I feel so out of my depth and never know whether we’re actually handling things right or not?
Is it just the two of you? My son and I always have a back up plan of ham and cheese toastie, carrots and apples and/or jacket. I feel like there is nothing better than the tried and true jacket, which can always be popped into the oven and added to or plain. I also feel like just having cold things available so when no one knows what they may need to eat, a potato can go in the oven and they can eat it or not. It doesn’t hurt to throw out should it end up as waste.
“The truth hurts” is a saying that’s been around for decades... I suspect it came from a movie. Bowie even fitted it into a song. The problem is, Truth is supposed to be liberating: “the truth will set you free”. It’s supposed to be a compass. It isn’t supposed to be something used to dominate and destroy. I once heard someone say “Truth out of context is a Lie”.
There are layers of context to every “truth”. One layer is the relationship. Another is whether I care about this other and if I want to keep investing in the relationship or have it in the future. So ruthlessly telling someone I care about that they’re crap at a thing is disregarding and diminishing. It’s dismissive of how they might be impacted. I can take responsibility and say AYE am deeply sorry and just not a fan. And then perhaps that leaves room for both of you to endeavour to cook together. Help her learn to be diplomatic and not reckless. All layers to any Truth matter. Has she watched a cooking show? Is she aware of what’s involved? Perhaps she can grow a herb garden and explore new sensory ideas slowly and be in charge of dinner a few nights every week
A few more things: 1. It can be good to teach her, If you point out a problem, then perhaps you should become responsible for it. 2. The messenger gets shot for the same reason diplomacy matters. Helping another want to hear what I feel in important to convey is just as important as the message.
Autistic individuals can feel like NT society is just as cruel and harsh and ruthless but in other ways. So we may have experienced being discarded so often that we aren’t always taught or don’t often experience matters of considerateness, respect and kindness. Perhaps these are things you can work on together.