Advise needed pls regarding food problems

Hi, my daughter is 14 and had her assessment in February with Paeds. He said she had all traits of ASD apart from she has good eye to eye contact and advance in using hands when talking. He said she needed to see psychologist before a formal diagnosis could be given and it’s a 6 month waiting list, but referred me to this website for help in meantime. 

I’d always had my worries as she’s grown up, but when she hit puberty 2 years ago it all came to the surface, I presume due to hormonal changes.

so far we seem to be handling things well, her eating atm though is driving me mad and I could do with some advice if possible please?

she’s always been a picky eater and preferred beige foods like chicken nuggets no chips etc… however as she’s gotten older and teenager she hardly likes anything which is causing a lot of problems at home. One min she likes something like mozzarella cheese toastie and 2 days later or a week later she’s gone off of it, I literally cannot keep up.

anyway it all came to a head tonight when I tried speaking to her about it as didn’t know what to make her for dinner and  she got abit mean and said she likes food in restaurants because a chef cooks it and I can’t cook anything nice and clearly don’t know how to use an oven…when I told her I was upset by wht she’d said she just said “sometimes the truth hurts mum”.

I have absolutely no idea what to do regarding her eating as even he doesn’t know what she wants to eat at home, the worst part is I’m not a bad cook at all, but I’m definitely not a trained chef and her will be. 

The way she s;oke to me wasn’t acceptable whatsoever and I tried to talk to her to explain why, but he said she didn’t understand what she had done so wrong and was just being truthful…how do I get her to understand??? 

she hasn’t been formally diagnosed yet and sometimes I feel so out of my depth and never know whether we’re actually handling things right or not? 

Parents
  • The food. Oh god the food. How did I never realise I was autistic before age 56 on the basis of the food issues alone, lol?

    I'm sorry, I'm making light, but I do understand this is hard for you and I think I was probably a food nightmare for my mother too. And err yeah! Whilst I never said it, as a child I did blame my mother's cooking. In fact I thought the entirity of the UK were awful cooks.

    Everything my mother cooked, everything in the school dinner hall, everything any of my friends' parents cooked smelt vial, tasted vile, and felt vile In my mouth. Some dinners actually made me feel sick. I couldn't get the stench out if my nose and I actually lived in dread of dinnertime. I survived on fruit, raw veg and chips most of my childhood.

    Rest assured. The problem is her sensory system NOT your culinary skills. I'm sure you are a great cook - for neurotypical people. But by the same token, she can't help her experience of food. What the rest of the family are tucking into and enjoying, is maybe turning her stomach. Moreover, she doesn't have a diagnosis yet and has no idea why her perception is different, or even that her perception is different. The truth, from her perspective, is that your lovingly cooked dinners just are disgusting! And that IS her truth. And she's autistic, so she will tell you her truth, with no regard for your feeling, because she can't see what the problem with the truth is (most of us still can't. We don't mean to be rude, but truth is truth, whether it hurts or not). She ain't going to lie. Her truth is: dinner is gross and she's letting you know.

    It's NOT your fault! Not hers either!

    As for the constantly changing will/won't eat it...errr our sensory systems are capricious little devils - what they accepted one day, they won't the next. I STILL go through this and I'm now the one cooking it.!!! Lol. I eat the same small range of meals day in and day out for weeks, then suddenly can't get it down, have to put it in the bin, and have to find something else - wierd, huh?

    Be sure and tell the assessors all this. Once you get a diagnosis you can have a chat with her along the lines of: it is her sensory system, not your cooking, so no need for her to criticise (be as blunt as she is, its probably the only way to get through! Lol), but you will help her find a balanced diet she can manage. Meanwhile, if you are worried get her some vitamin supplements.

    Hope that helps

Reply
  • The food. Oh god the food. How did I never realise I was autistic before age 56 on the basis of the food issues alone, lol?

    I'm sorry, I'm making light, but I do understand this is hard for you and I think I was probably a food nightmare for my mother too. And err yeah! Whilst I never said it, as a child I did blame my mother's cooking. In fact I thought the entirity of the UK were awful cooks.

    Everything my mother cooked, everything in the school dinner hall, everything any of my friends' parents cooked smelt vial, tasted vile, and felt vile In my mouth. Some dinners actually made me feel sick. I couldn't get the stench out if my nose and I actually lived in dread of dinnertime. I survived on fruit, raw veg and chips most of my childhood.

    Rest assured. The problem is her sensory system NOT your culinary skills. I'm sure you are a great cook - for neurotypical people. But by the same token, she can't help her experience of food. What the rest of the family are tucking into and enjoying, is maybe turning her stomach. Moreover, she doesn't have a diagnosis yet and has no idea why her perception is different, or even that her perception is different. The truth, from her perspective, is that your lovingly cooked dinners just are disgusting! And that IS her truth. And she's autistic, so she will tell you her truth, with no regard for your feeling, because she can't see what the problem with the truth is (most of us still can't. We don't mean to be rude, but truth is truth, whether it hurts or not). She ain't going to lie. Her truth is: dinner is gross and she's letting you know.

    It's NOT your fault! Not hers either!

    As for the constantly changing will/won't eat it...errr our sensory systems are capricious little devils - what they accepted one day, they won't the next. I STILL go through this and I'm now the one cooking it.!!! Lol. I eat the same small range of meals day in and day out for weeks, then suddenly can't get it down, have to put it in the bin, and have to find something else - wierd, huh?

    Be sure and tell the assessors all this. Once you get a diagnosis you can have a chat with her along the lines of: it is her sensory system, not your cooking, so no need for her to criticise (be as blunt as she is, its probably the only way to get through! Lol), but you will help her find a balanced diet she can manage. Meanwhile, if you are worried get her some vitamin supplements.

    Hope that helps

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