Does anyone else's child get fixated if another child is not been very nice to them ?
My child is 8 and really struggles with people calling him names hitting him the list goes on . But instead of staying away he get fixated on trying to be mean but which then results in him have a meltdown, instead of leaving them alone ?
I was targeted throughout primary school by every bully there was,
passive way and trying to ignore them did not work only made them bolder, and I was getting more of it, they even started to wait for me outside my classroom so I couldn't hide for duration of break./
complaining to teachers without being backed up by parents only meant that I was blamed for being instigator. One teacher once told me ''How can a son of a respected doctor be a bully, of course it is you, you're the bad one here, instigating confrontations''. Complaining made some other kids feel resentful towards me because of it, complaining isn't perceived as a good thing to do.
so I started responing:
3rd year primary, I had enough of it and everyone already. I was expelled for an attempted burning down the school, it did not stop bullies
it had to get to being physical and brutal confrontation in the end, I did not know how to fight so I was biting, hitting them with something in order to damage them. until I caused enough damaged to make them leave me alone, one ended up with a scar on his face for life
All that time I felt left alone to be tormented, I had no idea what to do. It looked like that is the way how society works and everybody accepts it.
So, unless someone makes those bullies stop tormenting your son, it will surely escalate. He doesn't know what to do, and is unable to endure it.
"All that time I felt left alone to be tormented, I had no idea what to do. It looked like that is the way how society works and everybody accepts it."
That's exactly how I felt, AND I was getting it at home worse than at school.
I became, shall we say, somewhat unpredictable. If you bullied me enough, I'd try to kill you. Fortunately I wasn't that good at killing people, but people soon stopped putting the opportunity my way.. I think they respected that I was wllling to make the effort. I also learned very early on that offering a threat is valueless unless you absolutely KNOW that you can and will deliver on it.
When I was 18 I took on an entire local gang who'd discovered where I lived and thought they'd mess with me on my own drive, with nothing but a hatchet, and that really was the last time I was bullied physically outside of my parents house, (which I left soon after).
I've since got much better at the psychology, but ONLY because it is actually backed with genuine homicidal intent. I will NOT be physically abused if it's within my power to do anything about it, because once they get their sadism into you, they NEVER STOP. I learned that from my father.
(And that includes forcing me to accept injections of new technology. That idea put me over the edge last year, for the first time in several decades, and I was planning how best to resist the proposed and socially sanctioned assault on my person until the threat mercifully was withdrawn)
Nowadays, the bullying is far more mental because physical violence is very much more taboo in our society outside of everything we watch, and the games we play, and how our leaders act.
Adopting my approach would get your kid locked up real quick. Since it is the people in charge who are denying your child the right to defend himself against the broad spectrum oppression physically, I think they ought to provide the lad with a functional alternative.
In my youth the advice I got was "Take on and smash the biggest one, and as he's lying bleeding on the ground turn to the rest and ask, "who's next?"
The catch 22 here is that since our whole society is based on co-ercion and state sanctioned bullying if you don't follow the rules, and people who are actually prepared to punish others for perceived offences are a small minority, the bullies actually garner respect for what they do, they are the "lawmakers" and their victims when they do finally break and push back are held to be the "offenders".
For many of us it doesn't take too much of being regularly framed as an "offender" when trying to push back, against a well established and popular bully, before we start to "own" that role in life.
Well, that's what I've lived, your experience and conclusions might be different.
I found out that I have a limit, when I tried to do my dad like a carp before christmas when I was 14 and failed, then I tried to do myself and failed in that too. But It was only getting better after that, the worst was in the past, I just did not know it yet.
You could say it was a challenge/ test of ones character which way you will lean in the future, are you going to be like someone everyone evil-wished you (in my case my dad) or not.
one ol many steps towards enlightment and selfunderstanding
You could say it was a challenge/ test of ones character which way you will lean in the future, are you going to be like someone everyone evil-wished you (in my case my dad) or not.
one ol many steps towards enlightment and selfunderstanding
