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Help with school

StevieBee

Hi, Am new to the forum but reading up and learning as much as I can since my daughter was recently diagnosed. 

Her main problem. And almost the only major problem in an otherwise normal little 10 year old, is school. Since starting year 6, and the increasing academic pressures that come with it, she has struggled a lot with school. At first, she would be hesitant to go in. Now, she point blank refuses, runs out of lessons and struggles to regulate herself. She has SEN support, is awaiting a care plan, following all the usual meetings, and we got an official diagnosis recently through a private setting. We are looking at high schools, and what is best for her, and I'm keen that whatver we do for her, she leads as normal childhood as is possible. 

Does anyone have any useful hints and tips to help her regulate herself at school (and at home), if you've had any similar experiences? in order to help make her school life as normal as is possible? 

Thanks in advance

SB

Parents

  • My son struggled more as school became more difficult academically. I guess she is probably finding things difficult as she is getting near to a major change. Most secondary schools offer extra visits for children with Special Needs. Regarding the most appropriate High School I would ask a lot of questions about Special Needs provision, experience of autism and how they currently support pupils.

    Our son still struggles to attend school every day, so we encourage starting school later if he can't make the beginning of the day. We keep in touch with a key member of the support staff. He finds having a shower in the morning helps him regulate before school.

    Regarding regulating at home, listening to music with headphones helps and cuts out external noises. We also have a regular bedtime routine watching children's TV on I player and a snack before the transition to bed. We usually prepare his toothbrush too to reduce the demands at this time. 

  • in reply to Homebird

    Thank you for taking the time to reply. We will indeed take on board some of these suggestions. Just want her to lead a normal school life as possible.

  • in reply to StevieBee

    Can I just say - with respect - that you seem very fond of the word ‘normal’. I don’t think this is a good word to keep returning to - because it implies that if your daughter cannot behave in the same way as other schoolchildren that she is not ‘normal’. Abnormal. It’s not an accepting approach. It’s helpful to be fully and wholeheartedly accepting of the fact that our children ARE different because they are autistic. What might be the easiest thing in the world to a non-autistic child can be virtually impossible to an autistic child. It might be the simplest, most mundane thing, and still be so difficult for an autistic person, even though they might be highly intelligent. That would not be categorised as ‘normal’ would it? And yet it can often be the case. 
    It’s so important that you don’t present your child with this category of what is ‘normal’ to aim for. If you do this - and she fails to reach it - it will have a terrible impact on her self esteem. That in turn could have long term consequences for her mental health. What is ‘normal’ for her might well be behaving in a very different way from anyone else in her school, or her family. You must allow her to truly be herself - even if it differs significantly from what you might have expected from her. 

  • in reply to Martin

    Yes this is exactly what I mean. Thanks Martin. I completely understand that normal traits in one person are not necessarily normal to another, and we all have our own version of normal. Therefore everybody else is abnormal to us in some way. Thank you

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    Can I also add (StevieBee) that I’m just trying to be helpful - I hope you don’t take my comments as a criticism of you. I don’t doubt your love and commitment to your daughter for one minute. I hope her anxiety around school improves soon and that you are getting lots of support and help from the school. I know how stressful it is to support a child who is struggling with school - it’s so upsetting to see them experiencing such distress. So best of luck to you both. x 

  • in reply to Martin

    Possibly, hopefully. However I hope this word isn’t being used frequently around this child as I don’t think - at such a young age - they will be aware one way or another about the particular intention you are assuming Stevie has in using it. In this series of short posts StevieBee has used the word ‘normal’ 7 times. It stood out to me that she had done that. It’s not a word that I think is helpful when it comes to raising children - especially if they have a disability. 

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  • in reply to Martin

    Possibly, hopefully. However I hope this word isn’t being used frequently around this child as I don’t think - at such a young age - they will be aware one way or another about the particular intention you are assuming Stevie has in using it. In this series of short posts StevieBee has used the word ‘normal’ 7 times. It stood out to me that she had done that. It’s not a word that I think is helpful when it comes to raising children - especially if they have a disability. 

Children
  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    Can I also add (StevieBee) that I’m just trying to be helpful - I hope you don’t take my comments as a criticism of you. I don’t doubt your love and commitment to your daughter for one minute. I hope her anxiety around school improves soon and that you are getting lots of support and help from the school. I know how stressful it is to support a child who is struggling with school - it’s so upsetting to see them experiencing such distress. So best of luck to you both. x