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Help with school

StevieBee

Hi, Am new to the forum but reading up and learning as much as I can since my daughter was recently diagnosed. 

Her main problem. And almost the only major problem in an otherwise normal little 10 year old, is school. Since starting year 6, and the increasing academic pressures that come with it, she has struggled a lot with school. At first, she would be hesitant to go in. Now, she point blank refuses, runs out of lessons and struggles to regulate herself. She has SEN support, is awaiting a care plan, following all the usual meetings, and we got an official diagnosis recently through a private setting. We are looking at high schools, and what is best for her, and I'm keen that whatver we do for her, she leads as normal childhood as is possible. 

Does anyone have any useful hints and tips to help her regulate herself at school (and at home), if you've had any similar experiences? in order to help make her school life as normal as is possible? 

Thanks in advance

SB

Parents

  • I’m sorry your daughter is struggling with school. School can be a hugely stressful environment for autistic people. When my youngest son started school he started to be hugely distressed within a couple of days. When I took him in they literally had to pull him from me crying - it was horrendous. He developed Selective Mutism which he had for his whole school life. He also had a period of school refusal when he was 15. 

    Of course your daughters experience is very different to this. However I would say that your daughters distress is obviously significant and I would make her mental health the priority over the educational needs at the moment. Not supporting her mental health needs now could have serious consequences for her future mental health. Whilst education is important she cannot thrive educationally unless her mental health is good. The answers Lucan be found by talking to your daughter and establishing what she needs to make school bearable to her. What is it about school that is causing her distress? Can she articulate that to you? If she can - take each issue one by one and see what mitigation’s/adjustments can be made to help with these issues. As she has a diagnosis she now has rights as a disabled person - because autism is a disability. Therefor the school is under an obligation to make ‘reasonable adjustments’ for her. 
    Most of all: listen to your daughter. She is exhibiting clear signs of distress and she must feel so powerless to keep being taken into an environment that is so distressing for her. You need to do all you can to assure her that you hear her, that you understand and that you intend to do all you can to help her in any way you can. You need to make it clear to her that her well being means more than anything - more than education even, With that knowledge she will hopefully feel more secure and the pressure on her will ease. That should begin to reduce her anxiety levels around school. 
    I’m sorry - this must be so hard for your whole family. So many people in this community are familiar with the distress caused to autistic people by attending school. I hope things improve for your daughter soon. Do everything you can to take the pressure off her if you can. 

Reply

  • I’m sorry your daughter is struggling with school. School can be a hugely stressful environment for autistic people. When my youngest son started school he started to be hugely distressed within a couple of days. When I took him in they literally had to pull him from me crying - it was horrendous. He developed Selective Mutism which he had for his whole school life. He also had a period of school refusal when he was 15. 

    Of course your daughters experience is very different to this. However I would say that your daughters distress is obviously significant and I would make her mental health the priority over the educational needs at the moment. Not supporting her mental health needs now could have serious consequences for her future mental health. Whilst education is important she cannot thrive educationally unless her mental health is good. The answers Lucan be found by talking to your daughter and establishing what she needs to make school bearable to her. What is it about school that is causing her distress? Can she articulate that to you? If she can - take each issue one by one and see what mitigation’s/adjustments can be made to help with these issues. As she has a diagnosis she now has rights as a disabled person - because autism is a disability. Therefor the school is under an obligation to make ‘reasonable adjustments’ for her. 
    Most of all: listen to your daughter. She is exhibiting clear signs of distress and she must feel so powerless to keep being taken into an environment that is so distressing for her. You need to do all you can to assure her that you hear her, that you understand and that you intend to do all you can to help her in any way you can. You need to make it clear to her that her well being means more than anything - more than education even, With that knowledge she will hopefully feel more secure and the pressure on her will ease. That should begin to reduce her anxiety levels around school. 
    I’m sorry - this must be so hard for your whole family. So many people in this community are familiar with the distress caused to autistic people by attending school. I hope things improve for your daughter soon. Do everything you can to take the pressure off her if you can. 

Children