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Help with school

StevieBee

Hi, Am new to the forum but reading up and learning as much as I can since my daughter was recently diagnosed. 

Her main problem. And almost the only major problem in an otherwise normal little 10 year old, is school. Since starting year 6, and the increasing academic pressures that come with it, she has struggled a lot with school. At first, she would be hesitant to go in. Now, she point blank refuses, runs out of lessons and struggles to regulate herself. She has SEN support, is awaiting a care plan, following all the usual meetings, and we got an official diagnosis recently through a private setting. We are looking at high schools, and what is best for her, and I'm keen that whatver we do for her, she leads as normal childhood as is possible. 

Does anyone have any useful hints and tips to help her regulate herself at school (and at home), if you've had any similar experiences? in order to help make her school life as normal as is possible? 

Thanks in advance

SB

Parents

  • Hi,

    We have only recently had our diagnosis for our daughter and she is now 16 and in her GCSE year. Looking back things started to become difficult in her last year of primary and peeked in year 8 and since then have never really recovered.

    That is not meant to scare you! You are in a much better position having an earlier diagnosis. 

    The main thing I would have done differently is not chose an all girls school. I’m not sure what type of high schools you are looking at but we went down the all girls route as it seemed a calmer environment for our sensitive daughter but a mixed school would have given her the opportunity to have friends that were boys and in her eyes a lot less complicated!! 

    Also, It’s only in recent days that we have also learnt that time in her room relaxing on her own watching TV programmes over and over again is actually good for her and helps her to relax before the next challenge. Prior to this we have been desperately trying to get her to socialise with friends and conform to what we think is ‘normal’. It’s definitely a learning curve.

  • in reply to NAS79333

    Thank you. We live in a small town in Buckinghamshire, so the choices aren't vast. Having said that, her brother goes to the comprehensive in town, and there is also another mixed school within a short bus ride. Other than that, specialist schools are a long way away. I want her to have a normal childhood. She has normal friendships and is a normal little girl in most other ways...its just the pressures of school that seem to be the biggest problem. Thank you for taking the time to reply, I will take this on board. Steve

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  • in reply to NAS79333

    Thank you. We live in a small town in Buckinghamshire, so the choices aren't vast. Having said that, her brother goes to the comprehensive in town, and there is also another mixed school within a short bus ride. Other than that, specialist schools are a long way away. I want her to have a normal childhood. She has normal friendships and is a normal little girl in most other ways...its just the pressures of school that seem to be the biggest problem. Thank you for taking the time to reply, I will take this on board. Steve

Children
  • in reply to NAS79333

    Thank you. Yes, the travel is definitely a consideration. 5 minute away comprehensive v.s. 1.5 hour round trip to a specialist. And we have 3 other children to consider. But of course we will consider what the local school can offer. Thank you very much for taking the time to reply to me, I really appreciate it.

  • in reply to StevieBee

    We live in a small Oxfordshire town boarding Bucks and our daughter goes to school in Bucks. The transition between Primary School and Secondary School should not be underestimated and I hope that since you have your diagnosis you can arrange regular visits to whatever school you decide is best. Some mainstream schools do have excellent facilities for children with SEN. We found that eventually the bus ride was another source of anxiety so ended up driving our daughter the hour round trip until she stopped attending. In our experience I would say that local may well have been best as travel adds to the day and the tiredness. Plus makes it more difficult to just hang out with friends after school. 

  • in reply to StevieBee

    Can I just respectfully add that the term ‘normal’ is not necessarily the most helpful word in this situation. What is ‘normal’ for one child isn’t normal for another - especially if they are autistic. Your daughter may have been doing some (what you consider as) ‘normal’ behaviours - such as socialising - but as an autistic child this might have been very stressful for her. Have you heard the term ‘masking’? It’s when autistic people try to behave like the other people around them to fit in. Autistic girls are particularly likely to do this more. It can take a toll on their mental health to be regularly adapting their behaviour to fit in with others, and to seem like they are just the same as their peers. In other words: to appear ‘normal’. 
    As an autistic person your daughter is not ‘typical’ - she has differences from non-autistic people. Acceptance of this is crucial to you being able to support and empower your daughter.