please help

Hello, Im need any advice or help anybody can offer. My son is 9 years old. He was diognosed with asd 4 years ago. He also has high anxiety. I am really struggling. One of the main problems is with school. He hate leaving me in the morning, From the moment i wake him up its such a struggle just to get home out of bed. He cries and screems, Hits hiself and sometimes me. I really try to keep calm myself but i very occasionally get upset and shout at hime which makes hime worse. I just about manage to get hime dressed only for him to undress again. After a very long battle with this i then literally drag him from the house to the car. All the way to school he is screeming and pulliing on the steering wheel trying to get me to go back home. Once at school i get put of the car and stand outside listening to him screeming and begging me to take him home. He has a support worker for about 5 minutes each morning who coes out to meet us. (i used to be able to walk him into the school reception but was told last week we can no longer do this as his crying can alarm the other children). When the support comes out she tries to drag him from me. He shouts mummy please dont let her take me. He always calls me mum only using mummy in the mornings. After five minutes of him holding me he is literally dragged off screaming and shouting. The teachers tell me he is ok after a while at school but he tells be different. He says he cries at school and is ignored by some teachers. He has 2 friends at school. As soon as i pick him up he is already worring about the next day. He doesnt sleep and takes melotonin to help. on quite a few occasions he has had a full blown panic attack in the mornings making himself sick and has terrible chest pains. I have been told by the school and some friends that this is all my fault as im to soft on him and that he is just pulling heart strings to try and get me to allow him to stay off school. I tell them they just do not get it but now im thinking is it my fault????. His attendance at school is good he only has time of when he is poorly or a couple of times after a panic attack. He attends CAMHs weeklyfor councilling...Please help i need someone to tell me if it is my fault and if so what can i do about it..

Thank you

Parents
  • Hi Jenny,

    Do not doubt yourself Jenny.  I would do the same thing , if it is right or wrong i am not sure but i do know no one knows or understands our children better than us and if your sons anxiety is that bad i can understand your concerns over school attendence.

    My son is six and has anxiety with Aspergers.  School have told me in the past he may be taking advantage.

    But take that advice with a pinch of salt i think Jenny, because half the time they do not really understand Aspergers anyway and it is so different from one individual to another.  Support your son as you are doing, try and explain his anxieties to the school, if he can explain them to you?

    i think you need to try and alleviate your sons anxieties whatever they are, what is the main cause and work on them one by one, so that slowley his anxiety is reduced.  Is it possible for you to help at the school now and again, i used to do this for my son and it helped him, seeing me around and just knowing i was in the building.

    remember though his anxieties are real to him, no matter how trivial to anyone else, you just have to find ways to help him deal with them.

    Good luck. 

    Puffin

Reply
  • Hi Jenny,

    Do not doubt yourself Jenny.  I would do the same thing , if it is right or wrong i am not sure but i do know no one knows or understands our children better than us and if your sons anxiety is that bad i can understand your concerns over school attendence.

    My son is six and has anxiety with Aspergers.  School have told me in the past he may be taking advantage.

    But take that advice with a pinch of salt i think Jenny, because half the time they do not really understand Aspergers anyway and it is so different from one individual to another.  Support your son as you are doing, try and explain his anxieties to the school, if he can explain them to you?

    i think you need to try and alleviate your sons anxieties whatever they are, what is the main cause and work on them one by one, so that slowley his anxiety is reduced.  Is it possible for you to help at the school now and again, i used to do this for my son and it helped him, seeing me around and just knowing i was in the building.

    remember though his anxieties are real to him, no matter how trivial to anyone else, you just have to find ways to help him deal with them.

    Good luck. 

    Puffin

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