please help

Hello, Im need any advice or help anybody can offer. My son is 9 years old. He was diognosed with asd 4 years ago. He also has high anxiety. I am really struggling. One of the main problems is with school. He hate leaving me in the morning, From the moment i wake him up its such a struggle just to get home out of bed. He cries and screems, Hits hiself and sometimes me. I really try to keep calm myself but i very occasionally get upset and shout at hime which makes hime worse. I just about manage to get hime dressed only for him to undress again. After a very long battle with this i then literally drag him from the house to the car. All the way to school he is screeming and pulliing on the steering wheel trying to get me to go back home. Once at school i get put of the car and stand outside listening to him screeming and begging me to take him home. He has a support worker for about 5 minutes each morning who coes out to meet us. (i used to be able to walk him into the school reception but was told last week we can no longer do this as his crying can alarm the other children). When the support comes out she tries to drag him from me. He shouts mummy please dont let her take me. He always calls me mum only using mummy in the mornings. After five minutes of him holding me he is literally dragged off screaming and shouting. The teachers tell me he is ok after a while at school but he tells be different. He says he cries at school and is ignored by some teachers. He has 2 friends at school. As soon as i pick him up he is already worring about the next day. He doesnt sleep and takes melotonin to help. on quite a few occasions he has had a full blown panic attack in the mornings making himself sick and has terrible chest pains. I have been told by the school and some friends that this is all my fault as im to soft on him and that he is just pulling heart strings to try and get me to allow him to stay off school. I tell them they just do not get it but now im thinking is it my fault????. His attendance at school is good he only has time of when he is poorly or a couple of times after a panic attack. He attends CAMHs weeklyfor councilling...Please help i need someone to tell me if it is my fault and if so what can i do about it..

Thank you

Parents
  • Hi Jenny

    I'm sorry that I cannot offer any practical advice as i am a novice to asds. My son is 6 and we suspect he has aspergers but we're only just starting the assessment process at the minute. So i'm really only starting to understand my own sons behaviors and finding ways to support him.

    I did want to post you though because i understand exatly how you are feeling. Not only do we have to support our children and cope with seeing them distressed and struggling, but we have to deal with other peoples judgements that are totally unfair. I feel for you, and i know that all of us parents will have been in this position many times, it makes you feel helpless and distressed. Even worse then that it makes you feel like a bad parent and you beat yourself up.

    Let me tell you you seem like a brilliant parent you clearly care so much about your son, and give him your total unconditional love and support. I can see this just by reading your post. These other parents are ignorant and they don't see the bigger picture of what you both live with 24hrs a day. It's bloody hard work and we are only human. Tough love just doesn't work with our children because it just makes them more anxious and it makes you more distressed. Have the confidence to have faith in yourself and know that you are doing the right thing for your little boy, and take no notice of these kind of comments.

    I'm sorry that i can't offer you more advice but i know very shortly that people will post with very constructive advice, they are great on here.

    Take Care xxx

Reply
  • Hi Jenny

    I'm sorry that I cannot offer any practical advice as i am a novice to asds. My son is 6 and we suspect he has aspergers but we're only just starting the assessment process at the minute. So i'm really only starting to understand my own sons behaviors and finding ways to support him.

    I did want to post you though because i understand exatly how you are feeling. Not only do we have to support our children and cope with seeing them distressed and struggling, but we have to deal with other peoples judgements that are totally unfair. I feel for you, and i know that all of us parents will have been in this position many times, it makes you feel helpless and distressed. Even worse then that it makes you feel like a bad parent and you beat yourself up.

    Let me tell you you seem like a brilliant parent you clearly care so much about your son, and give him your total unconditional love and support. I can see this just by reading your post. These other parents are ignorant and they don't see the bigger picture of what you both live with 24hrs a day. It's bloody hard work and we are only human. Tough love just doesn't work with our children because it just makes them more anxious and it makes you more distressed. Have the confidence to have faith in yourself and know that you are doing the right thing for your little boy, and take no notice of these kind of comments.

    I'm sorry that i can't offer you more advice but i know very shortly that people will post with very constructive advice, they are great on here.

    Take Care xxx

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