Autism or neglect?

I'm becoming increasingly concerned about a young boy I know, he's ten years old and homeschooled. His mother has self diagnosed autism and uses it to excuse his behaviour and his lack of development.

He can verbally communicate like any other 10 year old, understands instructions, can play games requiring rules etc he can control a pen to draw. He plays computer games like minecraft. He walks and runs perfectly well. Plays tennis and swims etc

However, he can't read (at all), he can't write or spell. He still goes in a pushchair. I know from conversations with other parents who know them that his mother still takes him to the bathroom, she bathes him and they share a bed. Whenever I've seen him have a tantrum, she starts panicking saying things like "okay okay we don't have to do that". He freaks out if his needs aren't met instantly, she has several bags with her always, containing spare clothes, medi kit, food, drinks, activities, blanket etc. He tends to ignore adults, but talks fine with other children. The mum has said to another mum she prefers him to have younger friends cause she doesn't want him to grow up too fast. She says she prefers unschooling, and doesn't ever make him do work.

It's very odd, and I fear she's using autism to cover up the fact she's failed to teach him how to read and write. She does everything she can to prevent tantrums, she panders to his behaviour. If he doesn't want to do something, he doesn't do it simple.o

I don't know, I'm wondering if parents of actual diagnosed children feel like this is familiar or if something is off. Does this sound like autism or neglect

Parents
  • Blimey! Impossible to know. This whole situation for mother and child needs looking at by someone who seriously knows what they are doing.

    There are all sorts of possibilities here. The kid might be autistic (and possibly dyslexic if he's not reading) and mum is sensibly avoiding over stimulation for him. Or he's not and just manipulating mum 'cos he can.

    Mum might be autistic and actually understanding her autistic child's need, or she could have some sort of MH problem; a bit munchausen??? Who are any of us to know? We can't diagnose and can't comment.

    The one thing though that would have me flag this up with someone as a potential safeguarding thing is that she doesn't seem to want him to grown up...that IS worrying.

  • Autism has various manifestations. My 12 year old son in mainstream school, can write beautifully, solve maths, is fabulous at drawing original cartoons, but he cannot step out of the house alone, not even cross the threshold of the house, won't answer the door, won't answer phone calls, cannot bathe independently, cannot even fetch himself a glass of water, or help himself to a snack to save his life. One of us had to sleep with him till he was ten. Even now some days he demands that mum or dad sleep with him as he feels scared. All this is because he has severe dyspraxia , anxiety, sensory issues in addition to ASD.  And I can tell you how bad the services are. They only provide lip service. He has an EHCP which is another eye wash.  The school puts him through a lot of nonsense on a regular because staff simply do not know how to treat people with ASD even though they claim to be experts. I feel very angry with the appalling support (or lack of) most of the LAs provide to slightly able kids. I do feel for the lady being discussed. Not sure what kind of experiences she has had to go through. I have definitely not a good experience with the LAs and I know what a lot of money and energy I have wasted only to realise the SEN services are a sham.

  • As are most services we need. :-(

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