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Daughters father disputes her diagnosis

NAS78463

Hi there,

My daughter is almost 5 and since she was very young I have known that she had some challenges, she was a very 'difficult' baby and hyper vigilant etc, milk allergy and all sorts of things....and me being someone who is like a 'dog with a bone' when I want to understand something better I have researched and researched and felt several times she was likely on the spectrum. Over the years her behaviours changed but I noticed the social emotional challenges and controlling behaviours and troubles with emotional regulation, sleep etc etc. Her father has never been in agreement and has always trivialised it or made me feel like I was going mad. We separated a few years ago and I have tried to include him in what is happening re talking to paedatricians etc as her behaviours were flagged as a concern in her 2.5 year old checks. But he always either wasn't interested or came up with some book he had read which showed it was 'normal' child behaviour. Anyway she started school in September and they have noticed straight away that she needs a lot of extra support and we had a paediatrician appointment again the other day and school completed a questionnaire and my daughter had an assessment, and they diagnosed ASD (aspergers). My ex husband is disputing it and saying we are all wrong etc and that I have caused all of this....I just feel so sorry for my poor daughter in all of this as all I want is for her to get the support she needs. Has anyone else experienced this?

Also I am pretty sure my ex husband is undiagnosed aspergers also and perhaps that is why he can't see it?

Thanks so much, I feel so alone in this....

Parents

  • I would assume that your ex husband finds your daughter's traits as being completely normal, because he probably has the same traits, and those traits are normal to him. It could have been passed down genetically from him to his daughter.

    I mean when I first looked up autism and aspergers, I completely blew off the symptoms as being completely normal. I thought that psychologists were taking something that was normal and making a big deal out of nothing. But then I took a second to really think deeply about it. The way I grew up and behaved was not really normal by conventional standards, and people more often than not misunderstood me, or I misunderstood them.

  • in reply to Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

    Thanks everyone, really helpful. 
    he’s always been very dismissive, manipulative and trivialises anything I say. Hence why we are no longer together. He’s a very ‘difficult’ character so I need to like you said just disengage with him and perhaps just ask the services; schools, paeds etc to have that dialogue with him directly so I’m not the ‘middle man’ who takes all the cr*p… otherwise it just becomes a way he can control me and cause me to feel guilty and I don’t need that anymore as I broke free for a reason. 
    I just feel bad for my daughter because he won’t make any adaptions for her and she will struggle as she gets older. At the moment he loves the attention and validation she gives him but as she gets older and realises it will likely be quite different. I just need to continue being  that positive trusted role model that she can meltdown to safety after her time with him, which happens most times…

    im now trying to keep the house from our divorce as he’s moving in with his girlfriend, he didn’t even tell me directly, I heard through my 4.5 year old daughter… she was upset… I had to reassure her and put on a brave face… just shows some of the challenges going on right now. I think if I can jerk the house it will help her but I’m struggling to raise money to buy him out. Anyway that’s another story… Thankyou and really appreciate the support. X 

  • in reply to NAS78463

    That man is really toxic, and I'm glad that you chose to disengage with a person who treats you so badly, that takes advantage of you like that. 

    If you can, get a small place for yourself and your daughter that you can rent that he does not know about, and get him to pay child support through an agency that collects it. And then work on yourself and recovering from the trauma, so that you can give yourself and your daughter the best chance at life. 

  • in reply to NAS78463

    I'm glad that you have a small place to stay at for the time being, and you want to be a life coach and help others, it's very nice and I think it'll be a suitable path for you. 

    Your ex husband is very toxic, he wants to own the house, and he does not care that when you lose the house that your daughter (his daughter) will end up changing schools. I don't think he really cares about anyone but himself and what he wants.

    I hope you end up keeping the family house for you and your daughter. 

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  • in reply to NAS78463

    I'm glad that you have a small place to stay at for the time being, and you want to be a life coach and help others, it's very nice and I think it'll be a suitable path for you. 

    Your ex husband is very toxic, he wants to own the house, and he does not care that when you lose the house that your daughter (his daughter) will end up changing schools. I don't think he really cares about anyone but himself and what he wants.

    I hope you end up keeping the family house for you and your daughter. 

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