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Should I push my child into attending a Scout Camp?

NAS78389

Hi, I’m looking for advice on how to deal within my recently diagnosed ASD and ADHD son who is 10, when it comes to getting him to try new activities. He has been on Scout camps before and we think he enjoys it once he’s there but we have another camp coming up and he’s adamant that he doesn’t want to go. No discussion. And he gets upset when we try to talk about it - he can’t explain why, he just insists he doesn’t want to go. His older brother wants to go and he has school friends who are going, who want him to go. But he’s just refusing. He has a habit of saying no to almost every new activity and most weeks complains about going to Scout meetings even though he comes out smiling each time. He just hates the idea of any extra-curricula activity. So, do we make him go as we think he will enjoy it once he’s there, or do we let him miss it while his brother goes? We don’t want him to miss out on fun things, but is forcing him doing more harm than good? Any thoughts much appreciated. Thanks! 

  • Our son used to go to scouts. He often complained as found some things difficult although he still wanted to go. He stopped when he was not enjoying it. His Dad helped with scouts which helped him especially when they went to camp. I found going away on my own difficult so would not push him if he doesn't want to go.

    Is another option to ask him if he would go if he knows he can return home if things get too much? Whatever our son does we always have to be prepared for this.

  • Perhaps there’s just one activity per week he might actually want to do. Rick climbing or judo? Some task not requiring socialising or competition, other than bettering the self. We tend to excel at these sort of sport. 

    it is important for him to stay active but school will already be an overwhelming amount of socialising. 

    a ten year old won’t have zen master disciplines with deep introspection and wisdom which will outline motive and intent. Let alone have tapped into the social exchanges and psychological undercurrents in society. As someone who wasn’t able to identify my feelings until 35, I studied a wealth of philosophy to articulate the complexities between people which I could sense but Not Make Sense Of. He won’t be able to express what the problem was until he’s older. Have him look at different sporting disciplines online and pick something he might be interested in. He can always do a run or a walk once a week (maybe with you?) if nothing else. 

  • I can tell you what it may be like from your son's perspective, because I was an autistic boy myself. I spent so much of my energy at school trying to fit in and act like everyone else, it is called 'autistic masking', that I needed all my evenings and all the weekends free to recover. Though I did play with other children when at home, I also required a substantial amount of time on my own. Having my free time swallowed up by more 'organised socialising' would have resulted in many more shutdowns and meltdowns. I had very few of these, precisely because I was allowed as much alone time as I needed.

  • I agree with Catlover find out as much as you can as soon as you can about the campsite location and layout and about the planned activities. My daughter sometimes says she doesn’t want to go to her dance lessons, she’s always had fun but she says afterwards she’s apprehensive because she doesn’t know if it will be fun or not. Although she has no problems with swimming or rainbows. Can’t quite work that out fully! ( although swimming one parent is allowed to stay and watch which probably helps!)

  • It would be easier for him if you plan things far in advance so he has time to come round to the idea. Give him stuff to look at, and read, and perhaps have him Google the location etc. The more information you give, the better. It’s all about him being uncomfortable about changes in his routine, and the stress if new environments. That’s why he immediately says no. I do the same. It’s a lot to process and deal with.